You Still There? (Larry Stylinson) *editing*

Chapter Nine [Louis]

Chapter Nine [Louis]





Thursday, 9th February...





When I woke up again, it was like 5 in the morning. It was still dark outside and I needed to get my depressing thoughts out of my mind, so I decided to go jogging. So that's what I did. Not with music as usual though. I just ran, trying to keep my mind off everything. My head hurt just because of all this thinking and feeling guilty and I just wanted to shut down. Obviously crying myself to sleep didn't help anything, I thought bitterly.



I hurried back to my room when I saw the sun was slowly coming up, not wanting to be noticed by anyone. Especially not in this state. Not that I wanted anyone to see and recognize me anytime.



When I returned, I took a long shower. There wasn't much hot water, but I didn't really mind. I just wanted to get rid of the sweat and clear my thoughts. I needed to get rid of the guilt I was feeling. I didn't know how though.



So I just tried to sleep. I didn't get much sleep anyway, so I kind of forced everything out of my mind and tried to sleep.



Which I did. I slept for the next few hours until afternoon. After that, I got myself some food and ate while I watched TV. After what seemed eternity for me, I grabbed my laptop and switched it on, looking for emails first. It was around 8 now, so I hoped Harry would write me soon. I deleted my other emails that I got from diverse websites and spent another two hours, watching boring TV and just playing stupid games on the internet until I got Harry's email.



He talked about how they stayed as a group - which I actually appreciated. I didn't want them to break up because of me - and also about how people thought we were dating and now believed we broke up. This was another reason why I should never even think about having a relationship with Harry. Because what would happen if we broke up? It would probably be all awkward.. He mentioned my mum too. Twice actually. And I felt really bad for leaving her and my sisters like this. I just couldn't call her and explain. Or just say: "Hi. I'm okay. I hope you are too." and hang up. I knew, if I talked to them once, I would want to do it again. And I wouldn't be able to hold myself back.



So after I thought about Harry's email, just getting more upset again, I went onto twitter. I made myself a new twitter account though. I didn't delete my old one but I didn't want to come online there. So I made myself a new account, just pretending to be another fan. I didn't have a problem to pretend to be completely in love with Harry - I kind of was that already.



So that's why I immediately followed Harry and of course the rest of the boys too - including myself because I didn't want to seem like I'd hate myself, although I kind of did that now. Also, I looked for some update and "Larry" accounts - I only had that today because Harry mentioned it. Anyway, I followed them too.



I looked around for information on twitter. What people thought, what was actually true. And sometimes I tried really hard not to just kind of yell at someone. What some people said was just not acceptable. I pulled myself together though, because although I knew all the truth about myself and parts of Harry, people would not believe me and they'd just hate on me. And I really didn't need that now. Luckily I could resist the temptation to look at my mentions and see what people were saying because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to take it.



So after I did my research on twitter, I went to tumblr and created an account. I looked around there too, looking for people's opinion and what they thought or claimed. I was glad I found at least a few people who told everyone to calm down and this was not their business and that it didn't get them anything if they all spread their theories when none of them could be sure it was true.



Also, tumblr made me laugh - at least a small, quiet and short one - for a few times. I was really thankful for that too but then I just really wanted back to Harry.



I kept my laptop on and went to brush my teeth and get ready for bed before I went back and decided just to throw my laptop away when I was too tired to do more with it.



I started to like tumblr. I hadn't been on there before but it was mentioned on twitter so I thought I might as well just try it.



After a few more hours, I got extremely tired and eventually tossed my laptop away, pulling the blanket over myself and letting myself drift off to sleep and dream another dream about Harry. If good or bad, I didn't know. As long as Harry was there, it was alright.