Why? Why can't I stop this madness. Why do I let this control my everyday thoughts. I have gotten so used to counting calories, it just comes so easily to my head. "1 piece of peanut butter toast, 300 calories". " One bowl of oatmeal, 320 calories". "1 Apple, about 80 calories". Ect. Ect. It pains me so much mentally. I feel so fat and it's like I'm dying to be skinny. Skinny like I used to be. Where I didn't have all this fat on me and my stomach. Where I could see my ribs. I so badly want that again. It's killing me. I hate my body so much and I think loosing weight is the way I cope. It makes me feel better. But it's like taking a drug that you get addicted to more and more each day, getting high as fuck. We know it's bad for us but we love it so much. I want to come clean off this drug but it is honestly hard as shit. I start to but then I slip up and it comes back again worse than the time before. I will keep on trying though. I must. I must try or else what's the point because drugs like this slowly kill you if you don't stop. So I must try as hard as I can. And if I can't try for me, I'll try for the one I love and care about more than anything in the world.
The mind can be a twisted place, but you can always find a way through.
