Is it too Late?

Seventeen

Joe

What had i done? What did Caspar want to say?
Caspar had to be alright.

And here i was, pacing the hospital waiting room waiting for the doctor to give us some information, whilst Hailey sat anxiously on the chair; staring into space.
I understand she must be worried about Caspar too, i mean she is his friend and they know each other. But she has no clue how i feel right now.
The anticipation is eating me alive and all i can think about is him lying, helplessly in pain in that hospital bed.

That's when it hit me. The realisation. The realisation that I didn't want to be with Hailey. That she doesn't actually make me as happy as i thought she did. Hailey is a lovely, beautiful girl- and always has been. But it's just not right. It feels wrong somehow. As harsh as it may be, i feel as though she may have just been a distraction... From Caspar.

But is it too late for that?

I looked up and the doctor was heading our way. I stood Still and Hailey perked up, straightening herself.

'What's the news on him?' I asked, needingly.

'I'm sorry i can't confirm anything yet, but what reference are you two to him?' He questioned.

'Uhh.. I'm h-his Boyfriend' I said, a bit more enthusiastically than i should have.

Hailey was going to kill me; but it was the only way i could be let in.

'And you?' The doctor directed his eyes over to Hailey.

'Just a friend..' She said, looking at her shoes.

'Okay, you'll be able to see Caspar in just a moment' he replied.

'But i need to talk to you in private' he said, directing his eyes back at me.

I didn't question it, i just went with him.

'There's no easy way to put this, but Caspar has Leukemia cancer.' He said.

As he said those words, a single tear trickled down my cheek, before i whiped it away with the back of my hand.

What i want to know, is how can doctors or nurses stay so neutral. I mean, patients are hurt and dying around them, but they seem to stay so bland. You'd atleast expect to see a indication of emotion on his face- yet nothing.

'I-is there any medication or chemo that can help?' I asked, hoping for some sort of miracle.

'... Unfortunately, it's too late. If we would have found the symptoms earlier it may have been cureable. By all means we can still go through chemotherapy, which will extend his time of living. However, this will make it painful for Caspar and harder to do things. But of course, we will leave the choice up to him.' He replied.

It clicked in. Caspar was going to die.
My whole world seemed to shatter around me, and time seemed to stop.
I dropped to my knees and let it all come out. All the tears i've ever held in came out like rivers, all the pain i've ever held in hurt like the stab of a knife. Caspar was going to die, and there was nothing they could do about it.

My hands reached my face where i cried quiet tears into them, how could i let this happen? How could i not notice the symptoms? How could i be so stupid...

I felt a sudden tap to the shoulder 'son we tried to find a way, but there's nothing. I'm sorry.' The doctor said, with a glimmer of sadness on his face; oh, i guess they do show emotion then.

I stood up, dried my eyes and ran my hand through my quiff.

'Yeah of course you did. It just hurts, you know?' I sniffled and lightly chuckled.

'Yes, this must be a difficult time for you. Is there any of Caspar's family members you'd like us to ring?' He asked.

Caspar's family.. His mum would be devastated. Along with Josh and his sister and his nephews.. Everyone will be devastated.. The viewers.

'Urm just his mum for now, i'm sure she'll pass on the message' i replied.

'Okay, whilst i do that, would you like to see him? I'll show you to his room.' He said, and walked while I followed.

We arrived at his room after a few seconds, and i felt sick. I was terrified to see him, and what he would say to me.

I took a deep breath and opened the door, to see an innocent Caspar lying on the bed. Oh, Caspar. Why do bad things always happen to the innocent?

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Hey! So sorry i haven't been updating recently! I've actually been putting off writing this part because i feel as though it kind of had to have Research on doctors, and types of cancer, and medication, etc. But now I feel as though i kind of understand it so yeah i thought it was the right time to post it. Also i just wanted to say, have a listen to the song before or throughout it if you want. I love it, it's from If I Stay and i think it fits perfcetly with this chapter, idk.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed!!

All my love x