Is it too Late?

Ten

Caspar

I'm not going to lie, this past week has been hard. It's been excruciatingly hard.
Constantly travelling up and down.
The worst part of it is feeling like a third wheel. I felt as though i had to keep my distance from Hails and Joe, like they had to have space and time to catch up. It killed me to see them laughing together, and having a good time. Whilst I, on the other hand, was the complete oposite. I had to force a smile to convice them i was ok, when I wasn't. I definitely wasn't. It was slowly breaking me, and they didn't even seem to notice... Or care for that matter.

We had a two day break before we did our last signing in Manchester.
Therefore, right now i was just sitting in the hotel room, trying to figure out something to do.

I lay on the bed, and stared at the ceiling. I wonder what Joe is doing right now.. I wonder what Hailey is doing..

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes tightly; rubbing my palm across my forehead.

'How do you know if a person is in love with you?' I think to myself.

'Why does love have to be so difficult?'

I hate it how we are given the label 'straight', why is it 'normal' to love the opposite sex? Why isn't it 'normal' to love the same sex?
What if we were given the label 'unkown' until we truly new who we were?

Life would be so much easier. But nothing is ever that easy.

To be honest, my life would be much easier if I wasn't alive right now. And at this depressing moment in time, I truly didn't want to be Alive.

I guess the only thing stopping me is Youtube and my fanbase.. Oh, and Joe.

Oh Joseph.. Why do i have to fall for him?

Nothing hurts more than when i look at Joe. His eyes lure me in like no others. His sense of humour can get me laughing out of a bad mood.

He just makes my life easier, and harder at the same time.

I snap out of my thoughts and lift my head to look out of the window, yet, just another rainy day.. Just the same. Old. Day. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be. Nothing to do.

My head falls back onto the bed, whilst i let out another disheartening sigh.

'Why can't he just love me?'