Is it too Late?

Eighteen

Joe

He looked exhausted. Exhausted and in pain. And it hurt to see him like this.

'I don't look that bad do i?' Caspar mumbled jokingly- i must have been frowning.

'Caspar, did you know about this?' I asked, walking over to his bed.

'About what?' He replied.

'You know.. T-the cancer' i stuttered.

There was just silence, and for a moment it felt like it was just us in the world. But then i realized why it was silent, Caspar had known. He hasn't told me.

A stray tear fell down my cheek, so i quickly whiped it away.

'Why didn't you tell me?' I pleaded, hurt at the fact he wouldn't tell me something like this.

'I didn't want you to get caught up, as you already had Hailey to look after..' He sighed.

What? He didn't tell me because of Hailey?... He felt like i didn't care about him anymore.

'Caspar i love you,' i moved next to him, 'don't you ever forget that'.

He looked me in the eye, and i couldn't place what emotion was in them. Fear? shock? Pain? Sadness?.. Love?. Maybe all of them.

And before i knew it, our lips were perfectly connected. My hand intertwined in his beach-blonde hair, and it felt right. I didn't get the anomalous feeling in my stomach like I did with Hailey, it was now replaced with a happy, fanatical feeling which i wouldn't swap the world for.
All of a sudden i felt something wet on my cheek, what was that?
I seperated our lips and looked down, to see Caspar crying.. But smiling?

'Why are you crying?' I asked, concerned.

'Because i'm so unbelievably happy.' He grinned.

'Just kiss me.' He added, and i followed his order.

Lost in the moment, i forgot about Hailey. I forgot about my life troubles and what i would even say to anyone about this.. But alls I knew is this was right, and Caspar made me happy.

The door opened,
'Caspar are you o-' I heard a voice, and instantly knew who it was.

Quickly, i parted mine and Caspar's lips and stood up straight.

'I-its not what it looks like..' I whispered, scratching the back of my neck in awkwardness.

'That's what they all say Joe' Hailey said with tears streaming down her face as she ran out of the door.

'Sh**' i mumbled, putting my head in my hands.

I looked up at Caspar, to see him sad. Probably not sad about the fact i stopped kissing him, probably sad about the fact i tried to get myself out of it and make up a lie to Hailey. But i just couldn't hurt her.

'Do you mind if i go after h-' I began.

'No, it's the right thing to do.' He smiled, but i couldn't help but feel it was fake.

With heart in my mouth, i hurried out of the door in desperate search to find Hayley. She needed an explanation.

***

Outside of the hospital i see a hunched over girl crying on a bench- it's Hailey. I slowly make my way over to her in hope she'll hear me out.

As soon as she saw me, she stood up ready to leave.

'Wait!' I yelled.

She looked back at me with bloodshot eyes.

'Please; just hear me out?' I asked.

She sat down reluctantly, but the furthest away possible from me that she could.

'I know it looks how it did..' I began.

'Yeah, it did.' She scorned.

I continued.

'And i guess it was like that, but i have reasons. And firstly can i just say, i do love you Hailey. More than you will ever imagine. But it's not the same way as i love Caspar. I know i thought it was the same, but now i know.. It's just completely different. I didn't want to hurt you, and you know that Hails. But you know it never felt right for me. I always felt something was wrong, and kissing Caspar.. Well, everything just seemed to feel normal. I think I've always loved him but i never realised, and it honestly kills me thinking I hurt you this way, but i think you made me a better man. You made me a more loving and caring person, and i could never thank you enough for that Hailey. Thank you for everything you've done for me, and i do love you. You've helped me figure out who I am.' I finished, with tears in my eyes.

Hailey was watching me with big eyes, and i could see tears soaking her plump cheeks.

'I am sorry you know-' I said.

'No Joe, I'm sorry.' She corrected me.

I was so confused. I couldn't help but feel she was going to tell me that she was 'sorry for ever trusting me' or 'sorry she fell for me'. But she didn't, she said the complete opposite.

'I'm sorry i rushed us into things, I know i can be a bit forward', she said brushing away a tear, 'I guess I did feel like you didn't want to kiss me' she chuckled.

'And I do love you Joe, but more than you like me. Although you may be... gay, I still love you like I loved you a few hours ago, like I loved you six years ago.. And it will take me time to get over you, but in the long run, I'm prepared to forgive and eventually be your friend. But you have to understand it will take time.' She said, avoiding eye contact.

I hugged her, and sighed with relief.

'Thank you Hails'.