With Love, Silvia. [✔️]

Chapter 31: Questions Life Can't Answer

Rodger is gone.

That phrase rings through my mind as my eyes grow bleary. I read the text once more. 

Rodger is gone.

Rodger was gone?

But how? 

I immediately dial Erica's number, because she texted me first. There's no answer. I dial Emma, and she picks up. 

"Emma, what's going on?" I ask in horror. 

"Rodger, he-he's gone." she says and bursts into tears. 

"Where has he gone?" I ask hoping, pleading that he wasn't what I thought he was. 

"No Silvia, he's gone. Passed, dead." she cries. 

"No, no. How?" I ask, tears springing to my own eyes. 

"Mom found him in his bed, she thought it was weird he was sleeping in so late, and then he wasn't breathing." she says panicked. 

"Where are you?" I ask in terror. 

"Home. Mom just got in an ambulance with him, hoping the doctors could save his life. CPR isn't working. He's dead Silvia, and no one in my whole dang family will accept it!" her voice is urgent and pained. 

"Emma, calm down. What are Emily and Owen doing?" I ask.

"In their rooms, playing with their toys. They don't know what happened." she shrieks, I can hear her breath quicken. 

"Please, call your Mom. Talk to her. FInd out how he's doing." I instruct. 

"No, I don't want to hear the words be spoken. I know what he is, Silvia." she whispers. 

"Ok, I need to talk with her, but she won't pick up." I say and take a seat on the cold bench. 

"Try again. Maybe she didn't notice while she was in the ambulance." Emma says and hangs up. 

I plead with all my might she answers. On the fourth ring, she does. 

"Erica!" I cry. 

"Silvia, I-"

"Please tell me how he is." I say, my breath can be seen in the bitter air. 

"He's passed, Silvia. The doctor's said he was gone almost forty minutes before I found him. I feel terrible." Erica sobs. 

"Erica, it's not your fault-"

"But it is, I try so hard to protect him and now- and now, look!" she screams. 

"Erica-" 

"Bye Silvia." is all I hear before the deafening sound of a dead phone line is all I hear. 

..........................................

Two days later, I'm packing a suitcase filled with black clothing for the funeral. Dad does the same, and I ponder over why he'd want to go. After all, he'd only met Rodger once, and I lived with him for close to three months. 

I bring my journal for the plane, I've been too busy and sad to write lately and hope that the flight will give me time to clear my mind. 

I haven't told Ginger, Asher, Leo, or Piper about any of this. All I say is I'm taking a week off to visit family in Pennsylvania, and luckily they don't ask any questions. 

"You ready?" Dad asks from my doorway. 

"Yep." I say and zip up the suitcase. 

....................................

We are silent most of the way to the airport. I don't know why, but it's comforting. I recalled the day when the police chief drove me to this very place and how hollow and afraid I was. And how I was blind to see that moving away was the least of my problems. 

We park near the front of the parking lot, and take our suitcases out of the trunk. Pedestrians zip up and down the sidewalk quickly, like they're all about to miss their plane. A businessman almost runs me over when I don't move out of the way in time. 

We enter the building and make our way to Gate 1B. The rest of the time consumes security checks and waiting for the plane to take off. The my excitement of being on a plane has definitely worn off, since I'm dreading seeing everyone such an emotional wreck. 

When the plane takes off, I get a Lipton sweet tea from the stewardess, as well as a packet of peanuts and open my journal. The last entry marks three weeks ago. Only a week after my first day back at Birchwood Hills. 

I take a deep breath and put the pen to the paper. And soon, all my locked up pain from the past three weeks spills out over the pages. 

........................

January 22, 2016

How do you know when to give up? 

When the trouble starts, when you've simply had enough?

Or maybe you're not supposed to give up.

Maybe my life's worth living. 

It seems unfair that at one moment, you can be so happy. Have everything you need, and then all of a sudden things take a wrong turn and you're ready to give up. 

That text from Erica changed everything for me.

Why did Rodger have to go so soon? Why did Mom have to go so soon? 

I've found that sometimes certain questions can't be answered in life. That we have to answer them on our own. 

I hope I can answer a few one day. 

Hey guys!!!!!

I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter, and I certainly had a good time writing it. (Some of the more dramatic chapters are my favorite!) I also had a long time to work on this since I am extremely sick (head colds suck) and I've been hammering the Airborne (you know that fizzy tablet stuff that has vitamin C in it???) to get it out of my system. XD You can also expect more updates since my summer vacation starts tomorrow. :)

-alexa_writes

ps. Thanks for all the views and support! <3