Words In My Head

What Is This?

feeling so confused -
what should I do?
this is not natural -
not since you;

my head is trying
to make sense of me -
am I really feeling
Happy?

I don't understand -
I can't comprehend -
this inbetween mentality,
a foe or a friend?

I suppose it's sad -
my suspicion of this -
since this is the closest
to normal, to bliss

I've been for quite
some time -
I guess I kinda miss
the pain that's now mine;

I literally don't know
what to think or say -
I'm treading on eggshells,
afraid 'Happy' won't stay;

after all, it always has
a reason to go away...