My Chemical Romance

Chapter 8

As I woke after dozing off for a half hour or so, I noticed we were close to the motel. Jay was awake, gazing out the window, while Kurt and Link were passed out in the back. I went to ruffle the ends of my curls, when I remembered they weren’t there. I carefully traced the end of my hair line, trying to picture how I cut it. It wasn’t even close to straight. It went on a complete slant, the shortest part ended at my shoulders. Why didn’t anyone tell me I looked like a total bum? Boys, they don’t realize how crucial a woman’s hair is.

I pulled my bag out from under the seat and rummaged through it for a hair tie. When I found one, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and threw the bag back under the seat. I was startled when I heard Jay ask “Why’d you cut your hair?” I looked at him in shock. His lip wasn’t bleeding anymore, just a little bruised.

“Uh…it was my only option. I couldn’t kick him or punch him because he was too far away, and I didn’t want to stab him.” Jay smiled with the uncut corner of his lip lifting. Then he reached over and touched the side of my jaw. It was tender, and I cringed at his gentle touch.

“Sorry. You have a cut.” He leaned closer and said “Just let me clean it a bit.” I sighed and let him dab the tissue on the cut.

“Ow…ugh,” I moaned as he continued to wipe the drying blood from my jaw.

“Hold still, I’m almost done.” He pulled the tissue away from my face, and tilted my head to the side with his thumb. “What asshole hits a girl like that? Jeez Eva, I don’t know how you could ever love a jerk like that…did you love him?” Jay rubbed the side of my face with his gentle hands that were massive compared to mine. I wrapped my hand around his so that he would stop touching my soar jaw. I looked over at Kurt and Link who were still asleep before I said

“Not really. I think I was more in love with the idea of someone loving me, then actually loving him. He never really cared about me, or the battles I had to deal with. I was blind and naïve.” I looked at Jay who almost seemed relieved that I wasn’t in love with Jared.

“In a way, I know how you feel. The popular girls at school would give the impression that they liked me. When I’d finally build up the courage to ask one of the out, they would shut me down and have one of the football players kick the crap out of me.” With the hand I didn’t clutch, Jay rubbed the back of his neck as if he could still feel someone squeezing it. I gripped his hand a little tighter, trying to comfort him.

“If it weren’t for Frank and Lily, I wouldn’t believe in love. I’ve only seen hatred and betrayal,” I said in a quiet voice. Jay squeezed my hand as I started to loosen my grip. He lowered it down so that it rested between us. He held my hand so that he traced my palm as he talked.

“My parents are still together. They’re my reason for still having some sense of hope.” I smiled at the thought of two people growing old together after raising their children. Still loving each other after being together for so long, and knowing each other’s faults. I wanted that fairytale dream more than anything in the world. I want to grow old with someone and build a family. I want to wake up to the same person every morning and hear those three words escape from his mouth that let me know that something in my life is right when everything else fails. He’ll love my every flaw as if it were a bonus, just like I would for him. At that moment, I promised myself I wouldn’t settle for less.

I stopped watching Jay trace my palm and looked at him. He looked back at me as I reached out to touch the corner of his lip that was now scabbing over. “Why didn’t you let them beat me up? Know one’s ever stopped them. I’ve always held my own.” Jay kept looking at me and stopped tracing my palm. He took my hand away from his lip and smiled weakly, trying to lift both of the corners of his mouth.