My Chemical Romance

# Thirteen

Guests would be arriving soon which meant that i should probably put on something a little more fashionable then sweatpants and a band tee-shirt.  While Chris "manned the fort," downstairs, Frank and I tried to clean up as best as possible.  I slipped on a skirt that was a little dressier and wore a not too casual shirt that kept the outfit balanced.  I put my short dark hair in soft waves but straightened the bangs a little bit more. 

As i was walking down the stairs Chris caught my eye from the living room and flashed a grin.  He had been focusing on the TV and was probably watching CNN or one of those other news channels.  Frank and him watch those all the time but i can't stand the news.  99% of the stories on there have nothing to do with 17 year old girls and are just stories that make me either mad or want to ball my eyes out.   

"Girl, you lookin' fine!" Chris yelled with a familiar southern slur.  I couldn't help but smile at his flattery and say

"Aw thanks Chris."  I had already told him how sharp he looked in his button down shirt and black dress pants.  He wasn't too over dressed since he didn't have a tie on and i think that Frank was probably gonna be doing something similar.  When i reached the bottom step he wrapped a strong arm around me and kissed the top of my head like Frank typically did.  

"You've grown into such a beautiful young woman.  I'm so sorry Frank won't be here for Christmas..."  he sighed as he looked down at me.  He wasn't going on this one with him which was disappointing to not only Frank but Chris too.  "I expect a phone call since you'll be ditching me." 

"You're the one ditching me!  You're going to see your family, remember?"  He thought for a moment.

"Yeah but i would've taken you with me.  You're my baby sister from another mister," he said with a goofy grin.  We both laughed at the familiar fraise and i replied with

"I'll be sure to."  He didn't let go of me and i saw his smile sadden.  "What?" 

"Your birthday..."  Why did he have to bring that up now?  Was he trying to make me cry?!  Of course Frank was missing my birthday...but i wasn't going to bring that up.  It would only make him feel worse, feel guiltier or worry more.  I don't even know if he's realized it.  Or maybe he doesn't know i know so he just isn't going to bring it up.  Either way, i don't think it was something that was going to be brought up in a conversation.  Plus i had managed to hide that from the boys too.  It wasn't all that easy but in a way i think im trying to hide it from myself too.   

I shrugged and said "I'll be okay."  He softly pressed his thumb to my cheek and said

"I'll be here for you and you know that, right?  Its okay to be sad sometimes, Eva."  I let out a quivering sigh and softly commented

"I just don't want him to worry any more then he has to.  That's all he's ever done as long as i can remember.  Its not fair, Chris.  It's just not fair.  Why did he have to become a parent at such a young age because of me?  I..." 

"It's not your fault.  Don't you ever say that."  He clutched my face in both hands now and looked at me with hard eyes.  "  It was his decision, all him, not you."  I tried to squeeze out a weak smile as he repeated what i've heard so many times.  After a while it starts to sound like a broken record,  but i think that its one i need to play every so often.  I wrapped my arms around Chris and he hugged me back and i said 

"I'll be okay."  My words weren't only to reassure him, but me too.   

"Don't drown yourself in work either," he said causing a vibrating in his chest.  "It wont help.  What will help is to call me, or Frank."  Or Jay i thought.  It came out of nowhere.  Absolutly nowhere.  But i couldn't ignore the fact that it was true, he could make it better.  I don't know how, but he would.  I had faith in that.  Whether it was with tea, silent listening, a corny knock knock joke, or some unexpected advice.