The Ultimate Love

Judgment

I listen to so called "screamo" and it helped me to get through some stuff. I clean my songs so I'm not filling my mine mind with useless nasty words. It was my secret and i just liked it. Soon i found out some other people liked liked it. Some people judge the music we listen. Music is to express what we feel and how we connect with saying our own words when its already written for us. Music can be a release what we are holding inside of us. There is only a few of people who truly understand.

Example:

-Being left alone

- Being pushed away sooo much to the extend of being turned into being very shy and nervous around other humans

-Family issues

-Being ignored which results to no talking and being independent

-Death

-People who you would die for leaves you and changes completely

- A safe haven from self harm

Music is what a lot of people go to for help and security for thats what they have learned to turn to in their needs. They soon grow accustom to just going to music in hard tough times.

But what if you chose to go to God?

-Will He hear you?

-Does He really care?

-Can He fill that void in your heart?

-Can He lessen your stress and hard times?

-Can He cure you from your depression?

YES HE CAN!!!

Yes! Oh yes He can!

I am caitlin and i have been through these questions and the depression. I've lived most of my teen years in darkness and never got a break through. I've been kicked to the curb by close close close people. Yes, I've turned to music and being alone in my room reading.

BUT i found a love that is deeper than life itself and it was found in Jesus.

I felt unworthy and too gross

I felt like i was too deep into my ways to be forgiven or even to be cleaned throughly

"No you don't understand... Ive done too many things in my life im just not worth His time"

I must say God does hear you and He sees you.

You might have gone through a time where you prayed soo hard for him to heal someone or to help someone and your answer isn't done your way.

Have you ever thought that God was testing you and seeing how you would react in the time of trouble??

You know..... i like to think of it as a great way to show how strong you are and to help others that have gone through the same hard time as you. God Chose you b/c he knows your strong enough to get through it.

God knows you are a warrior.

You may feel useless and just on your own and no one understands. Trust me I've been there.

Those moments when you're laying on your bed just crying b/c you feel soo trapped and don't know how anything will lighten up. You feel disgusting and feel like you kinda "deserve" that pain. The thoughts of how long you are going to be in that stage in life. "Its just a phase" thats what they all say... What if its not.... What if... It becomes who you ARE.

I remember one night when i was laying on my bed just looking at the ceiling. My head was just thinking. I thought of how things changed so quickly in a matter of time. I went to going to my "best friends" house every week and having fun at school to being a loner in the halls walking by myself everywhere while being ignored; people thinking something that I'm not... Thinking I'm quiet, shy, "the nerd", outcast..... While thinking all this i started crying because i just felt soo alone. I cried. I remember just looking up to God and just asking "why me?" "Everyone else is having parties and hanging out w/ friends and I'm stuck getting talks from my parents how they were always goin somewhere with their friends when they were teens." I remember begging God to send me a friend and that i would just trust Him b/c in the back of my head i could hear this little thought that kept saying "just wait, just trust me, stay strong, something good will come out of this"

After crying and talking with God and thinking like i deserved that loneliness, i felt this peace come over me. I don't know how to describe it but it just flowed throughout me like some type of warm liquid just flowing through my veins. I knew right then that God was speaking to me. I knew right then and there that God was seeing me and He was hearing me and i knew he was just telling me to keep trusting him for he has something great to come for me.

God has his special way of getting his message through and his comfort. God sees you no matter how much you want to run.

Run all you want but when God gets you in a pickle and you just want to ignore him, hes gonna win and you will soon just give in to his love and he will be like "finally"

Hey I'm stubborn so God has to push some buttons for me and i can imagine him just playfully rolling his eyes like "seriously caitlin..." Haha oh boy haha