The Ultimate Love

When i write

When i write i feel emotionally connected and the need to tell someone

I like hiding things inside too much to the point im shaking

I write to let other people know they aren't alone and we can get through this

It builds inside and then you get looks and asked stuff if your ok

-fake smiles

-fake laughs

-just going through the motions

Today i was feeling down again

-hair ain't doing right

-getting aggravated by bro bro

-Not in the mood to deal with people who think they know what I'm like

They think they have me figured out but ummmmm they don't so bug off you maggots

Then took too long to do a quiz and everyone was waiting on me

Its always me

Haven't been to youth in awhile

Haven't hung out with people in a while

Today is hard

Got one of my closer friends say i looked all droopy and kinda joked about it and said i was tired

But oh no not physically but emotionally

I saw her leaning by my locker and she saw me and kinda asked how my life was goin

Well ummm im trying to get to class and im not goin to spill my heart out in a crowd of people

I just said 'missed my cousin and my family' while walking away and some kid walking the other way joked and patted my shoulder saying 'ahh its alright we can get through this' i just forced a laugh trying to walk away from my friend leaning on her locker

She grabbed my arm and was starting to see i was trying to walk away and she said i could talk to her

But im thinking 'your too innocent to know my secrets'

Shes all buddy buddy w/ everyone and we r kinda close but i dont know her that well to pour everything out

So im tearing up trying to get out of the hallway

I got to my next class and got my music on and the song was by Bring Me the Horizon-Seen it All Before

The words were making me tear up and im sittin w/ other classmates and i cant do anything but act like im ok and keep the tears in and write

This day is getting worse and more intense for me

One day its goin to blast out of me and someone will see how deep i am

So im writing to release

Release

Release

One day i will release completely and i dont want that day to come

It will be like my brain being open for viewing

God i need you now

Give me strength God

Keep me going

You are my provider so plz provide and be with me

Help me deal with these gerks i go to school with

Help me ignore them and help me to act my self and no the way i think they think of me

Help me God

I just need you now

Really bad

I love you

Found these on a website:

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.

God never said the rivers wouldn't rise or the flames of the fire blaze. What He did promise is that He would be with you through it all protecting and guiding you. God's plans for you are eternal plans, not temporary. He's in it with you for the long haul and He will see you through until you are standing face to face with Him in heaven.

Psalm 37:23-24

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the LORD upholds him with His hand.

Everyone stumbles in life. We may even fall. Human beings simply are not perfect. But the Lord would want you to know that even if you have stumbled, even if you have fallen down or fallen away from Him, He is there with His right hand wanting to hold you up. He will never allow you to be cast down or cast away from Him. Allow God to order your steps and He will delight in you! If you should stumble, he delights in holding you until you have returned to His path. Plain and simple....He loves you with an everlasting love! He wants only the best for you!