Please, Remember Me

Chapter Eighteen - Say Something

It was difficult to pinpoint exactly when it changed.

Just that it did.

The calls came less frequently and they were never as long. A few times when we spoke he'd be tired and get annoyed about things.

I got that, to some extent, I could understand frustration at work and general tiredness.

That was fine, I was frustrated too.

I just... Missed him.

We fought over the phone, something I never thought we'd ever do. We yelled and I cried. We flung some insults at the other before hanging up. Then we'd talk and exchange sweet words of forgiveness, pretending that everything went back to the way it used to be.

Except it wasn't.

The doubt grew in me.

The acute knowledge that we were so far apart kept picking at me and my doubts fed on it.

I couldn't control anything he did and neither could he control me.

It would be so fucking easy to lie and deceive since we weren't there. And the other would just never have any way of knowing.

So, all of that started twisting in my head, warping things that had once been so cemented I'd thought they were set forever.

But these things in combination with the fact that he called less and less, that we had so little contact... Yeah, it made me spiral.

I tried to focus on the fact that I'd be there in a few weeks.

I tried to focus on knowing I'd be with him soon and that when I was, it would all be okay.

But it was difficult.

Another week passed.

It was one of the most difficult weeks of my life up until that point. Well, at least so far as 'normal' weeks. Heartache could never be compared to utter grief over losing someone.

Six days passed without as much as a peep from him.

I let my mind wander to places it absolutely didn't want to go.

The things Cindy had said back when things were happy and shiny and beautiful came rushing through my head, the mental images I'd conjured up from her words were joined with new ones. Ones where they were in his bed and his mobile was long forgotten in a different room. I could have sworn I heard her voice during one of our sporadic conversations over the past few weeks. I hadn't even seen him, his face, for about a month.

And it sucked because I fucking loved him.

Six days. Six whole days of nothing. Complete silence. Not a text, email, call or even smoke signal.

Nothing.

When my phone rang on that rainy Sunday night, when I walked in from having been over at Lizzies place for dinner with her and Madeline, I tried to ignore the enormous clump of dread that had formed in my belly over the past weeks.

I shrugged off my coat and sat on the floor in the hall with my back against the wall and answered.

"Natalie," he rumbled and I closed my eyes.

"Hey."

"What are you doin'?"

"I could ask you the same. Where have you been? Why haven't you called?"

There was silence for a few moments, just our breathing connecting over the line.

"I've been busy with work."