Denying Dreams

3.

At lunch time I always sit next to the kid that picks his nose and uses that same hand to eat his food. Only because it's the only seat left. I don't have too many friends, well not any actually.

Maybe it's because I'm just weird.

I love playing my keyboard, I read all the time, and when we have recess I just sit on one of the benches and either build with rocks, play my keyboard, or read a book.

Books make me feel better. They take me to different places and I imagine myself as one of the characters best friend. Books don't make me feel alone like real people do.

When I finish eating I go outside to my usual spot. The bench near the classrooms so I can get there first and avoid James, and it's not near the play stuff so the other kids can't really see me. I kinda am in my own bubble, and I like it. It's a bit dark here but that's OK.

The book I'm reading right now is called Ramona Quimby: Age 8. I feel like Ramona and I would get along really well. She's always in trouble but really nice and sassy. She imagines things and has a mean teenage sister. Like me. Well, my sister isn't a teenager but she is mean sometimes. I remember the last part I read is where Ramona cracked an egg on her head in class. The egg was supposed to be boiled but it wasn't, so she had egg in her hair and had to go home.

"Ramona what were you thinking doing something like that?", I put my hands on my hips and talk to her.

"Well Yard Ape, kept insisting I do it and so was everyone else.", she says still trying to get egg out her hair.

Yard Ape is a nickname for a boy that took her eraser on the first day of 3rd grade on the bus.

"Do you think everyone will like you now. Since you listened to them?", I ask out of curiosity. Maybe if it worked for her, it'll work for me.

"Maybe, but it doesn't matter. I have my best friend Henry.", she says but it doesn't make sense.

"Wait, what do you mean it doesn't matter? Don't you want them to like you?", I ask her confused and she stands up in front of me.

"What I mean, I already have friends and I don't think I need new ones. Plus I have my sister too."

"But your sister is always mean to you.

"That doesn't mean I don't love her.", she says and reaches her hand out to take mine.

I stand in front of her as she does to me and we just look at each other. The egg in her hair is gone now.

"Do you wanna play hopscotch?", she asks.

I nod and she helps me go look for the chalk. I put chalk, a coloring book, and crayons in a box in the dirt for a plant near my spot. That way James or his friends won't find it and I don't have to talk to other people asks for theirs.

I draw the boxes with numbers and play with Ramona. I hop to number 5 and she tries to jump in front of me but fails once I finish first. I out my hands in the air happy that I won, for the 5th time.

"You're cheating.", she says laughing at me.

"Nope, you're just a sore loser.", we laugh together and then once I'm about to start over I feel someone push me.

My face hits the floor and I hear laughing behind me. Ramona has disappeared and I don't know where.

"Who were you talking to weirdo.", James says from behind me.

"Well I was talking to a friend, but they ran away because you scared them away, just like you do babies.", I say annoyed with him.

He snatches me up by grabbing my hair and pushing me against the wall. He's really strong, but I guess most 5th graders are. That's right, James is in 5th grade.

"What did you say?", he stares at me with a mean look and it scares me.

"Nothing nothing! I'm sorry!", I tell tried to get him to leave me alone raising my hands to my face in case he tries to hit me.

He loosens his grip on my hair and let's me go. His friends hit me when they leave. One of them pushes me back on the ground and another kicks me. It wasn't too hard but it still hurt.

"Leave him alone, he's not worth it.", James tells them and they all stop immediately and leave me alone.

When they're all gone I start to cry. I don't know why his friends keep bothering me as much as they do. Once my stand up my stomach hurts but I try to act like it doesn't hurt as much as it does.

"Why does he pick on you?", Ramona appears again.

"Because, my mom is marrying his dad."

I walk to the stairs to get to class and see Cherry boy sitting there. By the way he looked at me, I know he saw everything and didn't help, didn't play with me, or anything. I walk right passed him while he tries talking to me.

I knew he wasn't my friend.