Denying Dreams

5.

I saw him, on the steps again reading a book. I didn't know he liked books like me. Maybe I should-

"NO DONT TALK TO HIM!", Ramona shouted at me.

" But what if he read your story too. Then maybe we could be friends.", I tried to get Ramona to warm up to Harry.

She huffed but then looked at him and smiled.

"Louis he likes you!", she took my hands and jumped up and down.

" What? No he doesn't, I ignored him the rest of 3rd grade and half of 4th. Plus he never was there when I needed him to be."

"Oh trust me Lou, he was there. He just wasn't, there."

What she said made no sense to me but I just shrugged and thought about Cherry boy.

What if he did like me?

I would be really happy because I like him, I just didn't think he liked me.

"Fine I'll talk to him.", Ramona jumped up and down again and said she'd wait there in our corner.

I grabbed my backpack with my keyboard and went up the stairs, he closed his book when he saw me coming up the stairs and got all red again. I smiled remembering why I call him Cherry boy.

" Hey Cherry boy."

"He- Hey Louis.", he put his hands together in his laps and sank them between his legs so it looked like his arms were disappearing or something.

" How ya doin?", I asked trying to be happy.

"Why are you talking to me?", he asked and I got mad.

" Why you acting like that? I'm only trying to be nice to you after you left me in my spot with Ramona after James and his friends hit. I'm taking to you because not only are you cute but you're still kinda cool. I just wanna be your friend again. Is that OK? "

"Who's Ramona?"

"She's my friend from a book I like to read.", I said crossing my arms over my chest.

He sat there and just looked at me, then gulped and finally spoke.

"I'm sorry Lou, I just didn't know what to do.", he said and then I heard him crying.

"It's ok Harry. I forgive you, not many people were there for me anyway. I shouldn't be mad at only you."

"But I wanted to be your friend."

I helped him wipe his tears and looked him in the eyes.

"You are my friend Cherry boy."

He got really happy and then told me about the books he likes to read and about his mom.

***

{3 weeks before 4th grade is over}

We talked all the time. Down the halls, at lunch, and even when in class. I always take the blame because Harry's good in class.

I talk to my mom about him too. He's the bestest friend I could ask for. Sometimes I want to kiss him, and when I do I think about what Jenny said.

" How come you think we don't really see boys kissing boys and girls kissing girls like you see a boy and girl do it?"

We were sitting on the stairs again at lunch talking to eachother. I told him I forgave him a long time ago and we're really good friends now.

"I wanna be different.", I said out loud.

" What?", Harry looked really confused, he had no idea what I was talking about.

"I wanna be different. I like you Harry."

He blushed like he always does.

He's so cute.

He's really nice too, hes funny. And plays piano a lot like me, he's better than me actually.

"Uh, I like you too Louis."

Since he likes me, and I like him I think we're supposed to kiss now. So I lean in closer to him and he looks scared.

"What are you doing?", he scoots away from me and then I get embarrassed.

" I thought that because you said you liked me-"

"I do like you Louis, it's just, my mom said I'm supposed to like girls.", he looks like he didn't want to say that but he did.

"Girls?", I questioned him getting confused now.

" But, I like you Harry. ", I say getting really sad now.

" I do too, but my mom. I'm supposed to like girls.", he puts his head down and looks at the floor while playing with his fingers.

I really mad at him now. He told me he liked me and then said he doesn't. That's SOOOOOO confusing!!!

"I hate you Harry! I hate you!", I yelled at him and then ran down the stairs to go back to my spot.

" Good, you're just like everyone else now.", I heard him say before I left and got mad even more.

He doesn't know how I feel. He's not the one bullied by their stepbrother almost everyday.

He doesn't know what it's like to be alone all the time.

He doesn't know what it's like to like somebody that doesn't like you.

He doesn't know anything.