November // n.h

v

               F I V E

Comfortable is the last thing I could be at this moment, happy is right before it. All that I can feel is the tension in the room and the fact, that I am sitting in the same room with Niall and no one else is around, isn’t making it better at all. No one, that could stop the two of us from talking.

The room is quiet as I scan through the lyrics, trying to find deeper sense in them. We sit next to one another but don’t speak at all and as a sound of lightning hits my ears, I am startled by how close it seems. A shiver runs up and down my spine.

I close my eyes and let out a deep shaky breath. Trying to ignore the lightning might be rather difficult and I can’t show Niall my weakness. I open my eyes once more and focus on the lyrics. The footsteps behind me only suggest that Niall has taken notice of my behaviour and he’s coming closer.

“Is everything alright?” He asks and that just proves my point. The blond lad has noticed a change in my behaviour and I don’t like that. He sits beside me and puts his hand on my shoulder, trying to reassure me that no matter what is happening it will be alright. Well, it isn’t. Thunder only brings back all the painful memories, which are followed by guilt.

“Yeah, I’m perfectly fine.” I lie. He doesn’t need to know about my weakness, and I wasn’t going to tell him sooner or later. After today, I am not going to see him anymore. There is no need for me to get attached, feel a little of happiness and then lose it. I prefer to stay in the little group of people I am comfortable with rather than let some boybander in my life, like it’s the normal thing to do.

“It doesn’t seem like it.” Niall says and for a moment, I take his answer as a response that shows a little bit of anger but then, I notice how his eyes are still locked on my face. He didn’t mean to sound rude as far as it seems, he was just being honest.

We sit in silence, his eyes on my face and mine locked on the piece of paper, scanning the words carefully and looking further in between the lines. It all makes sense, in fact, it makes perfect sense and it takes me a while, to get used to the fact that the blond bloke beside me has written this down.

Another lightning hits the ground and I am startled once more. This time, with the fact that I actually managed to forget about the thunder. Right now, when it reminded me about itself, I am not going to forget also I have finished reading the lyrics and I won’t have anything else to focus on, rather than the thunder.

Putting the paper down, on the bed, I turn to face the bloke. A faint smile appears on his lips and I smile back, knowing that he’d be satisfied with my answer. “They’re really lovely. The lyrics, they have so much emotion and I can feel every word deep in my soul.” I say finally, picking up the paper and giving it back to him.

I get up from the bed and walk towards the window, focusing on the droplets that travel to the far bottom of the glass. When I was little, I remember sitting down by the window with Danny and focusing on the droplets - just like I still do now. Pretending that they are racing with each other was something so casual that Danny even added commentary during the ‘race’. It was fun.

My mind goes back to the present day and I close my eyes. Most probably, I am going to stay here for quite a while and the tension between Niall and I might not be there, but a subject that we both could talk about, simply doesn’t exist and that makes everything even worse. We might as well sit in dead silence and stare into the empty space.

A sigh leaves my mouth and I turn back around, to face the blond lad who is still smiling. Did my comment really make him that happy? I really don’t know. All I did, was being honest. No point of lying if the lyrics are actually good and the fact that he asked me to check them makes me proud a little.