November // n.h

xvi.

               S I X T E E N

I stop the vinyl and place it in the box. Listening to it for the past couple of days hasn’t helped me figure out why Niall left it for me. In the end of it all, he bought it because not many people would recognise him in Old Grimsby rather than London.

Even though I received the vinyl from Niall, yet Nina bought it to my house, I have tried to find him. And the luck wasn’t on my side in this case. Niall was nowhere to be seen. He just vanished right after the kiss, right after I ran away.

Forcing myself to walk over to the hostel that Niall stayed in, took me longer than I ever thought it would, but eventually, when I got there, I received no information. The receptionist  didn’t seem to remember me and decided to not even tell me the room that Niall had moved to.

Trying to change Mandy’s - who happened to be the receptionist but also a friend of mine who was just two years older - mind was nothing simple. The fact that we have known each other for a long time, vanishing from the back of her mind and putting me on the level of a stranger while she was at work.

It’s not like I was ever able to ask her about Niall’s room after her working hours because she’d tell me that it is not her business and that work is work. Either way, there was no point bothering her if she wouldn’t tell me a single thing.

All that I could think of doing was to sit down, completely clueless and wait for Niall to come down for some reason. And I decided to do so. I needed to sort everything out with him while I had the strength to sit in the reception and wait for him.

Mandy kept on looking up at me, to either check if I was still there or she tried to hint to me that I should go. When I was waiting, I had the small hope of Niall walking downstairs and noticing me, but after a couple of hours, I gave up and walked out without even looking at Mandy.

Horrible and small is all that I could feel. Something telling me that Niall left Old Grimsby a few days ago, yet I kept on pushing that thought away. He deserved an explanation from me, as simple as that. I would have never ran away from a kiss like his, if there was nothing haunting me. But it’s all in the past now with Niall nowhere to be found.

Maybe it was all my fault? Maybe I shouldn’t have given him the amount of attention that I did? If I wouldn’t have spent so much time with him, then I wouldn’t have fallen for him. Niall wouldn’t have taken over my thoughts and the space that Danny has had for so long.

I walk into a small corner coffee shop, where some customers take notice of me but other’s don’t bother looking up. I quickly order a small coffee and as soon as I have the cup in my hand, I walk out and head home. Usually, my feet lead me to the music store because Nina has her shift at that time, but not today.

All that I have wanted to do recently, is listen to the vinyl in any possible occasion. I have been listening to it right after waking up, during the day while completing small tasks such as homework or cleaning up, and I have fallen asleep to the pure melody that is Ed Sheeran’s voice.

No matter how perfect Ed’s voice was, Niall had the ability to creep into my thoughts and ruin the perfect harmony. How? I felt disgusted with myself, for running away from him. I should have stayed there, told him everything about Danny – my relationship with him and about his death – however, I had chosen the easy way out and ran away. How stupid of me?

When I get home, I take off my shoes, place my handbag on the bed and change into more comfortable clothes. I notice a small note from my mum and it doesn’t surprise me that she’ll come home late. She’s been working till late for a while and dad has left for a business trip to London, so it’s just the two of us for a week.