November // n.h

xviii.

               E I G H T E E N

It all hit me like a sudden rush. The warmth of the air burning my bare arms; the fire slowly reaching out for my back with its flames. Yet I didn’t seem to worry. It did not bother me at all that the fire was so close; it did not bother me that everyone kept rushing around, crying in terror, hoping that the fire wont spread.

It’s funny how everything that seemed to be happening around me was blurry, almost washed out in black and white colours, yet it felt so clear and understandable.

Only then I come to notice that I have stopped in my steps, feeling people budge past my shoulders not realising that I was standing there, skin and bone, watching the fear spread across their features within seconds.

But it was my house that was burning. Not theirs. It was all my memories that were tumbling down as the flames took over the furniture and the walls. And as much as I wanted to focus on the house, I couldn’t. I kept watching the fire spread from brick to brick; door to door, but in the far off space behind me, I could hear my name being called out, again and again and again, repeatedly. Which happened to then turn into my focus point.

My eyes scanning the crowd, trying to find the actual person but it seemed impossible. There were hundreds of people walking past me, almost as if everyone from Old Grimsby and another small town came running to see my house burning down to ashes.

But then that did not matter to me. I was focusing on that particular voice calling out my name and after a moment I take a step forward; and another one; and another one. In the end, my walk seemed to take forever but as soon as the crowd decreased I saw a figure, standing alone in the distance, staring directly at me and from all that I was able to notice it was a young man, just a little older than me. And even though I heard my name being called out his lips were not moving.

I wasn’t sure how I knew that it was him who called me. After all he was standing so far away; far behind the crowd of people that didn’t even seem to take notice of me, yet he was calling from so far away.

With each step I take towards him, I take notice of his features. Of his light hair – blond to be exact; of his baby-like face that made him look very adorable even from afar, and most of all his height - the lad seemed tall with broad shoulders.

I didn’t know why he was standing so far away but I did know one thing – he reminded me of someone who I just knew too well. A someone that hasn’t given up on me under any circumstances, even when I left him stranded alone. And it surprised me of how similar he looked in my dream to his real self.

I have heard that the people we see in our dreams, are the people that we either know for a long amount of time or even simple strangers that we look at passing by on the street. But Niall’s features seem so clear to me, almost as if I had memorised each part of his face.

And as soon as he tries to say something to me, I open my eyes.

Suddenly, I feel a strong force pulling me towards the small motel as I was sure that Niall stayed in it once more. I kept wondering, every now and then, as to why he stayed in that cheap dirty room, instead of a clean and well maintained hotel room. That boy kept surprising me though, somehow understanding me clearly.

As I blink, a couple times, I come to the realisation that the distance between Niall and I has decreased, since he is back in Old Grimsby. The blood in my veins heats up, rushing quicker and quicker to and from my heart, speeding up it’s pace. It makes me feel ridiculous how I react to the thought of this boy.

After the weeks that I know Niall, I can admit to the fact that he is special to me; that he means to me close to as much as Danny did. Although, I am not quite aware if he means to me enough to replace the place that Danny has had in my life. I have loved him, for quite a while, and I still do. I still remember his laughter and the dimpled smile that came across his face whenever I done something reckless. It was difficult to get rid off, and whilst people thought I moved on, left Danny behind, I was unable to do so. He was with me during every second of the day and somehow, loving Niall felt wrong to do.