November // n.h

x

               T E N

I really have no idea how it happened. One second I was sitting down on the pavement, texting the last person I’d ever text, to just notice him the next second. It’s like, he was walking past the shops for a certain reason and I am sure it wasn’t food.

When our eyes met, he smiled but after noticing my red cheeks he hurried to my side and sat down. We sat in silence for moments, like we do each time. It’s like a little tradition of ours, we sit in silence and then we talk about nothing and everything at once.

His presence was also some sort of calming, for me. I didn’t really feel the pressure to move on and just grow out of every memory, when he was close. Niall had this little bubbly aura around himself that somehow allowed me inside and whenever I was with him, I felt at ease.

Maybe that’s why I didn’t mind him talking to me. On Friday, I remember being a little rude and back then I wouldn’t even consider talking to him. Especially when I wanted to push him away and now, that I am sitting with him in the motel cafeteria - which happens to be closing, for the night – I don’t even consider the idea of pushing him away.

“Here’s your tea,” he sits down across me and places a mug of steaming liquid in front of my hands. He didn’t ask, why I was sitting on the pavement at seven thirty; all that he did was sit silently and I needed that. Someone to sit with me in silence instead of speaking.

“Thank you, Niall.” I take the cup and smile at him.

“No worries.” He answers with a genuine smile. “Are you going home for the night?”

I look up, the mug against my lips, stunned by his sudden question. Maybe he understood what has happened, by my actions. But did I do something differently? Did I speak in a different tone? How could he possibly notice that there was something wrong between me and my parents?

“I probably should.” I answer him, looking down into the mug as it is still in my hands, warming them up slowly. I feel his eyes, focused on me but I don’t dare to look up, no matter what. Niall is a good guy and there is no valid reason for me to not look up, but like this, I feel more secure with myself.

“If you want to, you can try and talk it out?” He asks although it sounds more like a suggestion. And I want to look up, smile and thank him for trying to help, no matter how terrible I was at the beginning. The way I acted on Friday, makes me feel bad today, even though that was just three days ago. Weird enough, things did change quickly. But it is only because Niall pushes me to spend time with him. He finds excuses that intrigue me and without even knowing, I am a step closer to him than I was ever planning.

“It’s fine, Niall. There is no need.” I tell him, not lifting my head up.

Soon, he is going to leave Old Grimsby and if I ever get attached to him, I will be hurting at a point. I will miss the calls and the messages and even those small talks that made me forget about all the worries. And I can’t afford hurting. Not once more because of a guy.

“Eve?” He asks and this time, I do look up. I can sense that he wants me to look up; he needs me to look up into his eyes. And when I do, I notice a change in them. It seems as if the blond bloke is uncomfortable to ask me this.

“Hmm?”

“Do you ever feel alone in the crowd?” He asks me and that something in his irises becomes so unclear to me. It is something that I can’t put my finger on but I understand and it scares the living hell out of me. And then I remember the moment at the beach. The first time Niall actually spoke to me. He also asked me a similar question but then, I didn’t feel the need to answer it.