Phone Call

No More Dream

My body felt extemely heavy as I drifted into a deep sleep. A soft hum of silence lulled me to sleep like a familiar lullaby. Slowly that peaceful moment between consciousness and deep sleep broke apart.

I couldn't move.

It felt as if hands were holding me, pinning my arms to my body and my body to the bed. Covering my mouth and preventing my speech, complicating my breathing. Slowly a long piercing tone flooded my eardrums and refused to stop. I couldn't hear anything except for the sound that sounded like a ridiculously long high pitched scream of desperation.

"Mmhmm!" I tried to speak but nothing came out. I couldn't move my mouth to scream for help.

What is this!? What is happening!?

I was able to open my eyes but I could only stare at my limp unmoving hands that rested on my bed over my sheets and the slightly cracked door with the smallest amount of light peeking through it. I wanted to move to the door. I willed my body to run to the door but nothing happened. I squeezed my eyes shut as a pool of panic flooded my chest.

Help me please. Anyone help me!

I felt as if something was pulling me deeper into something unknown. The only way to describe it was like I was being pulled deeper into myself. A very dark part of myself that was scary and overwhelming.

No no no. Don't do it. Fight.. Keep fighting!

I was trying to scream and fight for control over my muscles. I tried for a while until my morale was close to dead, being beaten to death by my failed efforts.

Maybe...I should just give in.

As I thought this my muscles started to relax and my senses felt as if they were being slowly drowned in water. My breaths were slower and I felt as if I was being devoured. My heartbeat eased. It was so easy. That was the worst part.

I'm scared.

NO! I tried to scream again and I was fighting for control ten times harder than I had before. My eyes shot open and I stared at my hand that still refused to budge.

Please....

I kept trying to move my fingers. I attempted to get each finger to move twice over. When I got to my middle finger the third time I was able to twitch it once and then twice. I could feel tears stinging my eyes as I was slowly gaining control over my hand. I let out another scream and slowly, so slowly my mouth opened and I was able to let out the strangled panicked scream I'd been trying to verbalize. Only it came out broken when my voice found itself again.

It went hands, voice, legs, hearing, head. I had full control of myself and I was a total wreck. There was no one home to go to. I sat in my bed shaking and crying to myself. I needed someone and there was no one I could go to to try and figure out what the hell had happened.

No one was in the room with me. I was the only person home. At least that's what I told myself. I was too afraid to check around the house.

I pulled out my phone and before I knew it I was hearing the dial tone.

"Hey... it's really early." The voice grumbled.

"Johe-" my voice cracked and I found myself covering my mouth trying to hold back my whimpering and hiccups.

"Yah, are you okay? What's wrong?" He said suddenly sounding very awake.

"I don't know, I-I don't know what happened, I was scared." I started sobbing and my voice went up three octaves though I tried to fight it but my panic wouldn't allow it. "I... *hic* I couldn't- I didn't know who else to call." My body was shaking with the violent sobbing.

"Hey, it's okay. I need you to take some deep breaths so you can explain to me what happened."

"I- I can't." I could move but I still felt like I had no control. My lungs were desperately trying to take in air so I could think straight.

"Yes, you can." He said calmly.

"What's wrong?" Someone asked in the background.

"Nothing. Hey, muffin I need you to copy what I do." He started breathing slowly trying to help me get control over myself.

I tried to take deep breaths but they were all shaking and broken until they started coming out as sobs again.

What is wrong with me?

"Baby I need you to breathe okay?"

Baby?

If I wasn't in the middle of a panic attack I would've asked or pointed it out or something. But I was conscious enough to realize that I liked that way too much.

"Breathe with me okay?"

I took a deep breath and sniffled. "..Okay."

After about 25 minutes I'd gotten my shit together. I was laying down wrapped in my covers holding my red stuffed teddy bear that had been sitting up at my desk.

"Are you feeling okay now, muffin?"

"Yeah." I said hoarsely. God, I feel like crap.

"Are you ready to tell me what happened?"

I tried to explain it the best way I could but I still wasn't sure what happened. I also felt really dumb and weak for having called him over this.

"That sounds terrifying, I'm glad you called me. I don't know what would happened if you hadn't fought that."

"I'm sorry for calling you so late. I feel like a burden."

"Don't be. I'm glad you trusted me enough to call me. I'm happy I could be there for you."

What the fuck am I thinking right now? What is he doing?

"Can you do something for me, muffin?"

"Yeah."

"Go right now and check your closet and then lock your bedroom door while I'm on the phone with you. You shouldn't be alone if you don't have to be and I'd feel a little better about leaving you by yourself later. You said your parents had a key right?"

"Yeah, they do." I hadn't even thought about him having to leave. I got up to check my closet and when I cleared that I locked my door and went back to bed.

"How are you feeling now?" He asked me.

"I'm scared to close my eyes." I said in realization.

"You don't have to for a while. We can just talk."

"You have to sleep." I said.

"No I don't. I slept all day."

"Liar."

"Maybe, but I want to stay with you until you feel comfortable, so that I will do."

Stop doing this please.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it."

"Anything for you muffin."

We talked on the phone for four hours. At some point I started to drift to sleep and tried hard to fight it until he finally made me go to bed.

"Promise me something."

"Yes?" I yawned.

"Don't ignore my calls and if you can't pick up then let me know. Okay?"

I felt my cheeks get hot. "Y-yeah.."

I was embarrassed to be called out on ignoring him but I knew I deserved it.

I slept with my lights on that night but fell into sleep peacefully, without anything scary happening.

Kim Namjoon is something else.