When your parents ask to use your laptop
Parents: Derp hand over the laptop
Me: (•___•)
Me: *wipes C drive*
Me: *wipes D drive*
Me: Here you go
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When your pet leaves your room for no reason.
It's like.
I thought we were friends.
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Me: Siri, what's my name?
Siri: You're asking me, motherfucker?
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Friend: Hey dude, you washing your car?
Me: Nope, I'm watering it to see if it grows.
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Once I put on my headphones, my life becomes a music video.
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2014 is in 3 months
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do your eyes ever randomly go out of focus and then you are too lazy to focus them back in and just stare at nothing for a while
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aww ur face looks like a lovely shade of photoshop
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Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons.
Teen girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
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everyone has pretended to die infront their pets to see if they would do anything
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when I wake up from a nap no one can talk to for at least 45 minutes because I'm 350% more ugly and 900% mad
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those who said yolo on dec 21, 2012 will be having their babies this month FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY
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*mentally preparing myself for the all new FM104 Phoneshow*
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im that douchebag friend who doesn't talk to you for weeks but still cares about you and hopes you still care too
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*cleans room* *finds missing homework, old books, and cure for cancer*
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remember when the world ended last year
lol no
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giving your best friend 'the look' when someone is being annoying as hell
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"remember when" conversations never get old
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me at 4am: who am i
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Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I've even said anything? How do you know it's nice to meet me? I'm an asshole
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don't start an argument with a girl because they all have 43050194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 14:29PM on 22/05/2008
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can dora find my social life
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I accidentally bumped into my ex today. With my car, at 60mph, on purpose.
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YOU ARE READING
My Unorthodox Opinion - a collection of sarcastic rants about life
Non-Fictionlmao I wrote most of this in like 2013 so I can't be held to account for any of it anymore, I'll probably take it down soon since it's just embarrassing ok thanks
