Adopted By The Sidemen (ON HOLD)

Chapter 13

Warning: There's depressing parts in this chapter! Please don't read if you're sensitive to cutting and anxiety attacks, I don't want to trigger you.

I grab my cloths, a towel, and go to the bathroom. I take a quick glance at the mirror and frown, I never really was the prettiest girl. My eyes are gray with hazel in the middle, it's the only part of my that I find pretty. My hair is alright, it's long and soft. My thighs are really big, and I have a chubby stomach. I'm not saying I'm fat, but I am plump. There's alway the feeling that 'nobody's going to love you for you looks' or 'look at yourself, it's nothing special'. I've always heard those words in my last household. They told me that I'm not lovable, ugly, and the one that hurt me the most, not good enough.

It's just another day of me feeling like in not good enough. This house has made me feel a lot better about myself but there's days when I just look at myself and see... someone who I don't to be.

I turn on the shower and run my hands down my hair, washing it. I stop when I feel a cut on the back of my neck.

Sigh

This isn't a cut, it's a scar. I run my hands down my stomach and legs, finding all my scars. I remember these, my life was really fucked up. Sadly, all of you are probably thinking I did this, with a razor. No, it was my old households. I never believed in cutting, I thought I was more than hurting myself, when it's all I have.

I sit down on the shower floor and think, think as positive as I can. I love my family, I love the fun i've had today, I love my eyes.

All of a sudden, I started crying. In the back of my head I heard "You're not enough". Why can't that escape me? Even after all the compliments i've gotten in this house.

Then I started to think about Luke. I'm his older sister, I'm his family, I'm going to be there for him. No matter what, he's going to be part of my life and I need to protect him. Maybe that's all I need, someone to need me.

"Hey, are you ok? You've been in there for quite awhile!" I hear Simon say. I just turn off the shower, not saying a word. Deep down, I want him to worry about me. But also deep down, I don't want anyone. I put on my cloths and dry my hair off. I open the door and walk towards my room, finding Simon knock on my door five minutes later.

"You ok?" He asks and I nod.

"Have you been crying?" He asks. I try to look away but that only makes Simon sit on a chair next to my desk.

"What's going on?" Simon questions and I look up. I don't say anything but lift up my hair and show him my scar. He gasps and touches the scar, as if not believing it's real.

"How?"

"It's a long story"

"I have time" I smile. It feels good when someone's there for you, no matter what, no matter how fucked up it is.

"My old family is cruel. Being around drunk and drugged up people became a normal thing for me. Just looking at the scars sometimes scares me. Hopefully one day I'll forget but it's a long process" I say and he nods.

"And I'll be there during that process" Simon smiles and engulfs me into a hug.

"Am I disturbing something?" Harry asks knocking on the door.

"No you're fine" I laugh and he nods.

"Can we record some challenges Simon?" Harry asks and Simon stands up.

"Hey, don't forget what we were talking about. I promise, I'll always be there for you. And I always keep my promises!"

I'm sorry this chapter was so depressing.

PLEASE KNOW THAT I REALLY FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU!

If you ever need to talk to someone, I would be more than gladly to help. Please don't be shy because bottling things up eventually hurt us in the end.

I love you guys so fucking much ^-^

Have a great day!

Bye