Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
(Chase)
There are times that life is confusing. Too confusing to handle. Like that confusing time when you thought everything is okay but it's actually not. And all that's left is you wondering why. Why did everything changed? Why did everything turned upside down? What happened?
I was there. I finally got there and I finally felt the happiness I've been longing to have. I was so happy because after three years of chasing him he finally gave up on running away. We finally reached the finish line and I can finally stop chasing him because he will give himself to me. But what confuses me is that he proved me wrong. I hate to say this but it feels like he intentionally made my hopes high. He lifted me. And then he suddenly left me in mid air.
He shoved me off the cliff and he waited to catch me. But now he pushed me again and this time he let me fall on the ground.
Because now he's running away again and the chase isn't over. That frustrates me so much.
After four weeks of just crying inside my room I stood up. I immediately saw my reflection in the mirror. I saw myself in a trap where I cant do anything to escape. I saw myself hopelessly begging for hope. I saw how fucked up I am. I cant help but to pity myself. I look so ugly. Puffy eyes with dark circles around it, a hair uncombed, and pale lips. Hell. I'm hideous. This is so depressing. I mean who wouldn't get depressed if the man you love suddenly pushes you away after he said he loves you? Who wouldn't get depressed if you find out your boyfriend cheated on you? Damn. I don't even know if we had a relationship. In whatever perspective I try to think I cant find a valuable reason. I cant find any reason of why he did what he did. This may be really annoying because I have said this a lot of times already but I know he meant what he said that night. I know because I felt the love.
But why did he have to do that? Why did he have to push me away, again?
Damn it. This keeps happening over and over again. I chase him, he stops running, he makes me happy, continue running, I'll be left asking why he's running away again, and get hurt but eventually chase him again. Is this a freaking cycle? And now I'll be thinking why he did it and then I'll end up crying. My eyes hurt so freaking much. It's so painful! But my heart hurts more than my eyes and I feel like giving up. Words are not enough to describe this agonizing pain I feel in my heart. Much more deeper than that.
I'm tired. I'm so damn tired. I'm so tired of chasing. I'm so tired of hurting. I'm tired of giving my all for him. I'm tired of getting rejected. I believe three years is freaking enough for all the efforts I spent. Three years is enough for acting like I'm strong even if I'm continuesly dying inside. Three years is enough.
So I took a bath and took my breakfast. Mom and dad are so happy because I finally ate something for four weeks. Yes. Since I didn't left my room, I only had water inside my body. My mother said both of them were worried and they tried to ask me what was going on. I said I'll tell them but I needed to go to school. Dad hugged me and said he's happy that I'm going back to school.
