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(Chance)
"Is that it? Is that what you're scared of? Is that it? Then to tell you frankly, I am scared. I more am fucking scared because I am willing to hurt everybody except you for you to notice me!" I said.
The moment I realized what I just said I saw the terrifying fear in her eyes. So, I let go of her shoulders.
What I said? Those were the truth. I initially didn't intend to do it considering we are doing the event for the fans but it just... happened. The fans are going to get confused and hurt or perhaps they are already confused and hurt and I know I am to blame. I know it is my fault. I, myself, hate it when I get jealous. I do or say things that are very rude and harsh for other people and I am aware of it. When I saw how close Drake was to Chase, I just exploded. No one is supposed to be that close to her except for me. Just me. No Drake and nobody else. And I thought that if ever I succeed on winning her back, the public will eventually know so why not tell them earlier so it'll hurt less. Right?
But now I am scared. I am being selfish again and it reminds me the old me five years ago that had hurt the woman I love. I'm being selfish again and it scares me because I would rather hurt everyone else rather than hurt Chase. I had caused her a lot of pain and those are enough.
After she told me that she's scared of what will happen to her if her bosses find out about what I did, I got angry. Because it is what makes her afraid and not because I can change her feelings for me. And when I saw the fear in her eyes when I held her tightly, I was awaken as if someone punched me in my face.
Looks like she thought that I'll hurt her physically even if I wont.
"I-im sorry, Chase. I d-didn't mean--" She cut my sentence.
"Just... stay away from me."
*** You know what I hate the most when something terrible happened? The moment you'll face right after it; the awkward moment. It feels suffocating. It is as if the only crime is to breathe. Like you are not allowed to live. It is so awkward that even if I want to talk to them no one will answer me and I'll end up talking to thin air.
My elbow is on top of the window and my head is resting on my hand. I lost count on how many times I yawned and sighed. Our way home feels like a million miles away even if the vehicle is running fast. We are unusually quiet and that makes me so uncomfortable. Rap had his earphones on while the other end is in Jin's ear. Suga's head is leaning on the window while a neck pillow is encircled on his neck. A laptop is on Hope's lap and it is very obvious that he and Jim are watching a movie with English subtitles. Vick? Well, he is staring the things outside the window beside me. Ugh. God knows how much I want to scream right now.
I thought the only solution to escape such awkward moment is when we get home but I am very very wrong. They walked passed me and ignored me. They never got angry at me like this. Never.
