The Other Biersack

Who's To Blame?

After the past 2 months I've decided to lay low. I mean yeah it was hell but I have to admit I added fuel to the fire. I don't wanna blame myself but I can't help it when it all feels like my fault. Just think about it, if Mitch wasn't with me that night he might still be here. Or if Kellin didn't come to my house to see me he may never had gotten in that accident. Why do I burn everything I touch? Why is it so hard for me to be happy? And Noah omg. That's a boy I will NEVER forget. As much as I love Kellin, Noah will always be my right hand. Good terms or bad. Rain or shine. I loved that boy with every last piece of me. We met when we were 11 but to me age is nothing. I seen something in him that day that is unforgettable. I seen endless potential. He had so much light in his eyes. But when I seen him at the party that light was missing. I can't help but worry about him. I know I know. I have Mitch but only God knows where that's gonna go. He's on the other side of the country and I'm alone. Maybe it's my fault I keep pushing them away. I mean what else can I do? They'll just tell me it'll be okay. And try to force me to feel better when it doesn't work like that. I can't just shut off my thoughts. Cause trust me if I could, I definitely would. I completely lost track of time and looked out my window to see the sun shinning. I so wasn't ready for today. I threw my pillow over my head and let out a grunt.

*

I tried not to get lost in my thoughts while walking alone in the hallway.  It's been about a week since the second murder. It's all everyone can talk about. Andy switched to online school so he could work too. Everyone laughed and snickered at me. I put my headphones in and continued on my way. I stopped dead in my tracks when I seen the most heart breaking thing ever. Kammie was leaning on her locker kissing Kellin. MY Kellin. I thought she was my friend. I hung my head and walked to the door and just walked right out. I can't do this. That's the last thing I need right now. I threw my bag on the ground and just cried. I sat on the bench and buried my face in my hands. I heard the door open and started to wipe my tears. I am not weak. I'm stronger than this. I felt two arms rap around me. I didn't question a thing I just layed my head on her shoulder and let it out. I may be strong but sometimes even the strongest people break.

*

Today has just been a blurr. I couldn't wait to see Andy when he got home. I've been such an asshole lately. My knee started shaking with anticipation. Shortly after, he walked through the door. I ran up and hugged him. "I know I've been a bitch lately but I'm sorry I love you." He pulled me off of him. "I love you too but Dylin what's this all about?"

"I just realized that in a blink of an eye you can be taken from me and I can't lose you again. Especially not now." He grabbed me tight and layed his chin on my head. "You have nothing to worry about carebear. I'm here." We walked over to the couch and sat down. "So I have some news." He gave me this really funny look. I just shrugged. "So they think whoever killed Lacey might have killed dad too." So that means I was at the party with my father's killer.. omg. My heart started racing at the fact that I might have even been in the same room with them. "Well it hasn't been confirmed yet. But they're almost sure cause they were both gutted I guess." I was speachless. He raped his arm around me. "But don't worry they'll get him." "I hope." I whispered.