DIARY OF A CAT

12th November, 2011 (2)

11:00AM

I followed Kelvin quietly as he walked into the temple. The church was singing one of my favourite hymns but I couldn't lift myself up to sing a line. Where had my positive frown to? I was beginning to believe this witchcraft thing that Kelvin mentioned. Probably Bunny was a wizard-cat  and he had casted spells on me to retain fat even though I work out for long as two minutes every morning. besides my meals are not that fatty.

BUNNY MUST PAY FOR THIS!

I hope church closes early today. I'm going go to his house and KICK HIS ASS! I need to calm down else I will forget I'm in church and say something pretty awful against God.

I sat beside kelvin as he stood singing without the hymn book. We consequently sat and the priest began to preach. None of what he said entered my ears. I sat drowning myself in abject sorrow of what Bunny had done to me. I will make him 'uncast' the spell and beat him to pup. He is a bad cat and bad cats don't mess with me because I AM WORSE!

Church closed without me knowing it. Kelvin and I walked into the canteen. I sat on the table and started licking my fur to keep them clean. Suddenly I heard the sound of a hard-knocking heel sound which totally attracted my attention. I looked up and saw two women, one was thin and sickly, the other was medium in size and sumptuously healthy, and they were the culprits of that annoying sound. as I stared at them, my eyes were attracted to their chests.

You should have seen what I saw that kept my eyes glued to their chests. The thin woman wore a tight V-neck blouse and her vitals had fallen beyond redemption like a pair of socks but she had hired the services of what I call SALVATION BRA  to hold her atrphied breasts in  place.

The other partner was the one who stole my attention completely. Hmm... On top of her chest were powerful grenades, I mean, weapons of mass destruction. her blouse was U-shaped and really down to earth like never before. her two valuables were shining were shining like two diamonds. And she had professionally and dangerously anointed them with oil. her anointed watermelons had been pumped up, leaving a dark valley in between them. My God! This woman had turned her chest into a showroom, exhibiting her wares for window shoppers like me. But I refuse to be tempted!

Around her neck was a nice piece of necklace with a cross, and the cross had fallen into the cleavage or better still, the dungeon. She had kidnapped Jesus, chained him up on the cross and locked him up in her dark dungeon.  I could imagine Jesus suffocating and begging and asking for mercy but this woman was bent on crucifying him all over again.

As I analysed critically, this woman whisked me up from the table and started hushing me with: kitty, kitty, kitty, handome kitty etc.

I was so surprised I could have collapsed. She put me on her chest and... my, oh, my... there I was on her  moulds! Hills!!  Mountains!!! My face fell into the exact place I feared. The dungeon! I looked and saw enough to make me smile. My eyes inspected every corner and contour with delight. I have never seen such wondrous creations before. I began to wonder. Were they natural or artificial? I wanted to ask but guess who interrupted me.

KELVIN!

"Excuse me, Miss. That's my cat" he said, oblivious of my current adventure.

I lifted up my head and frowned at him, giving him one of my mean looks that would scare a dog away but he still stood there with that stupid smile on his face. He was bent on ruining my day from morning till now. Why?

The woman gave me back to Kelvin. My face was folded over and over with a frown.

"I would have liked to carry him" the woman said.

"And I would have loved the ride" I answered with great delight and expectation.

"Sorry, not today. Maybe, next week Sunday." Kelvin answered.

"Alright." The woman said and gave me a smooth and sweet touch that left my head in a whirlwind. "I love you, kitty"

"And I love you too. Hope to see you next week"

She smiled and walked out with her thin friend who had already purchased their lunch. When they were out of sight, I gave Kelvin an angry growl.

"This is church, Ofori. You can't be womanising like that. Besides what would you do if Sheila saw you in that state?"

"Can we go home now?" I angrily asked.

"Alright. Let's go home"

"You've ruined my chances of a better life in the arms of that woman. I would have enjoyed such marvelous sight everyday. You are all bones. There is nothing to enjoy of your hard body."

"Pervert!" Kelvin replied

Next time, I will never leave for his hard bony hand.

Anyway, what an afternoon.