DIARY OF A CAT

17th November (3)

I decided to go for a late morning walk, an unusual thing, to prevent my poor ears from suffering a breakdown of ear drums. Harrison, the dumb cat was still screaming and being unnecessarily angry at any thing he found unpleasant. If  stayed in the house fro too long, God knows what will happen to me. Kelvin had left to get some groceries from the market, so I had to be with myself till he came. But immediately he comes back I  will tell him to throw that cat out of our house.

I was around old Mrs. Pepper's house when I heard my name. I didn't know who to expect. I knew almost all the cats in the neighbourhood, and almost all of them were my friends. For a fact, I was a popular and respected figure. Don't be jealous. I turned and who did I see?

Kofi!

Kofi and I were not friends, nor acquaintances. he wasn't new in the neighbourhood; an old cat but the two of us did not click. Plainly, we weren't friends and the possibility of becoming one was unexpected.

So, I was surprised to see him. He had this radiant smile in his face which got me suspicious. Had Harrison exchanged his nature with Kofi? Kofi never smiled, so I assumed they had switched roles magically and that had led to harrison's mad behaviour.

"hey, Ofori" he called trotting toward my side.

I just looked at him without talking and without hiding my surprise.

"Hey, come on." He said, giving me a pat on the back. My fur took the pat, not my precious delicate skin. "You wanna play a game?"

"No"

"Oh, come on. It's a nice game.'

"Decapitating human beings and dicing them into pieces?" I asked.

"Whoa, that's cruel."

"What game is that?"

"It's a secret."

"I don't like secrets"

"You will love this one."

It seemed that Kofi was not going to give up. I did not appreciated his disturbances but I had to give in anyway. A little game was not going to harm me, was it? No!

"Okay but I hope you are not playing some dirty tricks on me. i will skin you furless if try anything crazy"

"Come on, trust me."

"I trust no one."

"Well..."

We walked together into old Mrs. Pepper's house through one of the open windows. That was the abode of Kofi, 'my new friend'. The air hanging in the atmosphere was unpleasant. It smelled of... something i couldn't describe. We walked in one of the corridors towards a door.

"Where is the game?" I asked, taking in air through my mouth. It was such an unpleasant smell. Oh, my God, why did I accept to go with him?

"Kofi! Where are you?" It was old Mrs. Peper's voice.

Kofi did not respond. He kept on walking until I saw cat poop on the floor. Was I seeing right? I stopped, rubbed my eyes and looked again. It was poop. Oh, my God. I was bound to leave this house infected. Kelviin said that cat poop causes illness to cats.

"What is the problem?" Kofi asked.

'I see poop" i said.

"Uh-huh?"

"Is that what you say when I say your house is an unsafe place for a cat?"

Kofi squattered and right in front of me, he released two bouncy balls of poop. I screamed and jolted backwards. I covered my nose with my paw.

"What is that, Kofi?" I asked, angrily.

"Kofi, you defecated in my living room again after I had cleaned this morning's releases?" I heard the shrill of Mrs. Pepper's voice.

Kofi guffawed excitedly.

"What? You do that all the time, anywhere, in front of any body?" I asked.

"Do you mean you don't do that to Mr. Yawson?" Kofi asked and began to laugh heartily again. "What happened to cats?"

"Oh, my God! On my dining table?" Mrs. Peper's voice overhauled the roofing of the house.

"Yes, I did" Kofi said in a whisper, still laughing. "And I will do it again"

That explained why the air in the house was dense and sickly. It was poop!

"I'm out of here." I said aloud.

"Not yet, Ofori. The game"

"Play with poop shitting. I think that is fan"

"But its in our nature to shit"

My God! He had no manners as well. Why did I follow him?

"Cats are bad naturally"

"You are the bad one. Not cats everywhere" I responded while I found my way out of the house.

"I just can't help it. I can't stop myself. My colon is sooooo weak!" Kofi said, following me. "Even now, I feel it loose and..."

He stopped talking and that made me wonder why. I turned back and guess what I saw that made me scream J.E.S.U.S. He had squattered to release more and they were watery and, my God, gagging. I turned back.

"You will pay for this Kofi" I said and jumped out of the same window I came through. I gasped for breath. To be frank, I need an anti-biotic injection. I need to treatment for tuberculosis, SARS and Bird-flu. I need two sacks of oxygen for the cleansing of my respiratory tract. God help me.

Oh, what a morning of double troubles!