A Second Chance To The First Time.

Fifteen

(Fifteen)

And just like that, my entire life had changed. My humanity was absolutely gone. I got back to Poresing and continued living my life without constraint. I was reckless, uncontrollable to the extent that I was untameable. I was the exact opposite of what I became after the first break up we had. I did not grieve nor did I drown myself in morose. Instead, I became the notorious schmuck who played everything in his own terms. I was encircled by friends, friends who I did not even see as friends but rather as an entourage to my rampant reign as the golden boy of the parties in Poresing. I felt like a king, and was in fact known as the Phantom Of The Clubs. I drank every weekend, celebrating a false occasion. I did not care about what I was doing, nor did I feel bad about it. I saw love as a foolish game, immune to feel anything at all. I wasn't happy nor was I sad, I wasn't fascinated nor amused. I felt nothing. Though I have to admit, girls flocked me as if I was the last man in the world. Though I could have easily brought them home without even much effort, I never did. It may sound skeptical, but I didn't want to. I didn't care about what I felt, but I cared about what I did. I was untameable, and to me, no one deserved me. Not because I was full of myself or because I felt like a god, no deserved me because deep inside me, under the facade of feeling like the king, I was a monster. I embraced that title so much that I became the savage monster who made everything seem to have sense yet crumble it into pieces once the show was done. I embraced what I did to her that I did it to every single person who even dared to try and understand me. The day I ran from her was the day my humanity had been long gone.

Unconsciously, the month progressed into a year. Ever since my last encounter with Rachel, I never went back home. I didn't care about anything, and there was really nothing left for me to come back home to. The close friendship I had with Jay and Bas started to extinguish, as well as the connection I had with the city itself. I honestly thought that there was no need to return. All of this changed when my mom forced me to come back home for the holidays. I was a completely different person, a monster, and I didn't like the feeling of coming back to the place I used to call home.

I saw the city as a prison of memories with no windows to see the beautiful horizon Poresing gave me. Reluctantly, I went to the airport. I knew that it wasn't a good idea, but my mom would murder me if I didn't come home for Christmas Eve. I knew that I was walking back into the past where the dark abyss of deep memories would fill my mind with a confusing realisation. Nothing kills the present harder than going back to the past.

The plane landed, and my mom was waiting at the arrival hall. "Damon!" she yelled.

"Hey mom." I said.

"I missed you! Let's get you home." She said

Home. The memories were already starting to sink my ship. Before I broke up with her, I couldn't wait to come back home. Now, I wish I never returned. "This used to be home." I whispered to myself.

I got back to our house, and said hi to my Dad and Sister. Everyone was happy to see me, but sadly, Snow passed away due to old age a couple of months back. I went inside my room and got ready for bed. I was in my prison, with the memories of the past directly torturing my mind. Every single part of the room had a purpose, had a memory. The couch where I fell asleep in when Bas shockingly woke me up to save her and Audris from their drunk-ness. The computer I used to message her with, the keys to my car I used to meet up with her after classes, and this bed that used to be a sanctuary for our deep conversations that lasted for hours. With all that being said, I was starting to see a glimpse of the truth, but was willingly fighting against it.

The days passed, and I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. My phone was unusually silent, having no purpose at all but to call my mom. It was a different atmosphere, away from the crazy rockstar life I had at Poresing. I was starting to miss her and the times we used to see each other. I couldn't help but think of those 'what if' scenarios. What if I didn't break up with her? What would we be doing now? The warm hugs and sincere kisses we had were all just memories now. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the feeling I had whenever our skins touched. Her scent, her smile, her touch, her glow. It was all lost. I closed my eyes and started to think about the memories I had saved before. I could barely even remember her face.