A Second Chance To The First Time.

The Now.

This is the last chapter, and this is the part of the book where finally I will explain the whole point of writing it. Well, there are 2 reasons.

First reason is to share, inform, and hopefully relate to anyone who is reading this and is experiencing heart break and long distance relationships. I know what it feels like and I salute you for your perseverance. I made so many mistakes in the past, but I hope you don't make them as well so here are some tips and facts.

Long distance relationships are special, and most people would think that it's the worse experience a couple could go through. Trust me when I tell you that it's actually the opposite. It's one of the best things a couple could experience as it tests your commitment at the highest level. The end result of the struggle is how it makes a stronger relationship.

It doesn't matter how far you are from each other as if you love each other truly, distance is just a number. Always remember that long distance relationships are possible! Yeah it's hard, but that's what makes it meaningful as you worked really hard for it. At the end of the day, when you and your partner finally become physically together again, you would then live every second with them as if it was the last which is how it should be spent.

I believed before that I was stopping Rachel from living her life to the fullest, but what I didn't know was that I was part of that living her life to the fullest idea. It's just that I was blinded by my sadness and struggles that I had a closed mind, believing what I wanted to believe illogically. Sadness and loneliness is inevitable, you will feel this and it doesn't matter if you feel it a lot or not. What matters is positive communication with your partner and having an open mind. It's okay to be sad, but use that sadness as a boost to make you a stronger person. Use the negatives to your own advantage. If you are sad, talk to him/her. He/She doesn't have time for you? Talk to him/her about it!

Pride. That motherfucker is a parasite! Fighting and arguing is heightened in long distance relationships as things like frustrations and missing each other act as an imaginary reason or an adding factor to your small arguments. Most problems could have been solved if you set your pride down and try to understand each other in a calm and organised way. If not, small arguments turn into gigantic creatures. Remember, it is better to lose your pride on the one you love than lose the one you love because of pride.

Set a day for the two of you to talk and catch up on each other. Maybe a Sunday for example where both of you just stay at home and talk to each other. Communication is number 1 in long distance relationships as that is the conductor of electricity in your relationship. Once that becomes corrupted, everything falls with it. At first, it's almost negligible and you don't really notice any difference. But as time goes by, trust me, it will only get worse.

Second reason for writing this book is simply for my Rachel.

I didn't write this to get any sympathy, nor was it written to get Rachel's recognition that I have been through very hard times. I wrote this to let everyone know, especially her, how much I have treasured everything that has happened between us from the small details of the beginnings to the memories of the not so distant past. Rachel was the best thing that ever happened to me and I know I wouldn't be where I stand now if we didn't happen.

So again for the last time, you may be wondering, then why name your book with this title if the ending was that we had both moved on right? It's quite cliché in romance books or films that most of them have a happy ending where the guy gets the girl and they ride into the sunset and just infinitely love each other in whatever way. In this book, there is no certain ending. Well at least for now.

Indeed I got what I wanted, which is good, but I didn't get what I needed. So after everything that has happened, I have changed into a stronger and clearer minded person. But through out all the new things and changes I have experienced, only one thing remained the same. I still loved Rachel.

2 years and 4 months had passed since we broke up and here I am still loving her the same way. Through all the mistakes and all the failures, the truth was that I still love her until today. It got me thinking how even after such a long period of time, I was still longing to have what we used to have. There had to be a reason and the only one I could think about is that I never stopped loving her. Though I had my dark ages and all the dates, at the end of the day, 2 years after all of it, I still wanted her. So here I am, back in the city, trying one last shot for one last time. I honestly believe that true love never dies and that no matter how much time progresses and how we may have moved on, the truth was that we will never stop loving that person no matter how the things have changed. As of today, I do still love her and I do still want to love her.

Of course, almost everyone doubts my chances. Though the risk of failing is extremely high, I know that at the end of the day I was going to have a better tomorrow. I remember the time when I saw her and got the ring, I felt the connection between us. Though it may seem farfetched, I know what I felt. I guess nobody will really understand what I feel.

If I was given the chance to go back in time, I would go back to the night we first met in SNL. I wouldn't change a single thing except the night I said goodbye. If I were to do things all over again just to get her back, I would take it in a heart beat. She was the most important person in my life and I gave up on her. I then hoped that she would wait for me, wait for me to return and fight for her again. But then again, I knew that when I was ready she was not going to be there anymore. I am ready now, but she isn't here anymore.

I've found out and saw it with my own eyes how she has moved on to someone new. Of course it hurts, but I have to respect her decision. I wanted her to live her life to the fullest and be happy without the burden of waiting for me. I can see it now, and I guess my plan did work. The problem was that I regret my plan. Call me selfish but back then I know she would have waited for me. She would have continued loving me through all the problems we had.

I was scared that I wasn't going to be the right guy for her. Now, I am terrified because I know for a fact that I could have been the one. The truth is that she could fall in love with any guy in the world except me. She could marry anyone in the world that she thought was right, except me. Any guy in the world, except me I think to myself. It's the hard truth, but it's the truth.

In the end, what matters the most is that she is happy. Maybe I just need more time, maybe I just need more space. In the end, I know I will get there. Though it is very unlikely that she say's yes to us again, I still hope that she does. If I was to be perfectly frank, I want her to choose me over him. But then again, I couldn't do that. If she truly is happy, and there is no confusion or late night wonderings whether it was right, then I guess there is nothing else for me to do about that. Though if ever she had to make a decision, I just hope she does it for herself. Nobody knows what happiness is besides the person bearing the question inside one's mind.

So what is the verdict? What happens now? What is the ending? I believe that endings have a reason in this world and that endings are not entirely bad. No matter how you see it, there will always be an end to everything. That's the last phase of being alive. Yes I met my end with Rachel, but I believe that timing is everything in this world. So endings are not bad, as every beginning starts with an ending of something else.

So here I am trying to start a new beginning with my life, hoping that this book, my last bullet, would be a good reason for Rachel to say yes for a new beginning in us. So as I stared outside her house for one last time, I released my last bullet. One last try for one last moment. I say my goodbyes as I walk back to my car, hoping the bullet landed.

This is my ending. Ask yourself, would you give me a second chance to the first time?