Stare

Innocence

Before...

I was in a deep and comforting sleep. Rapped up in my blankets with a calming smooth breeze. It evoked memories of when I was little and I would naturally start crying because the window wasn't open. As a toddler my Mom would always tell me a story about how the good spirits are let in if you have the window open and bad ones would come in if I didn't pray. I listened to her and I prayed every night and always opened my window. My slumber was disturbed by the doorbell ringing and the sound of my Mother screaming at my Father. Their screaming stayed in my head sometimes and made me have nightmares. A few seconds later she squealed happily as she opened the door to a guest entering the house. It almost seemed like her other life was erased once she opened that door. I rubbed my eyes with my tiny fingers and brushed the hair away from my face. I slowly shimmied off from my bed and trotted downstairs. It took a while for me to get used to my first actual bed and not a crib. As I got to the last few stairs until I could see the door, I peered out shyly. I watched as a women I've never seen before greet my Mother with a big hug. She made my house smell a thousand of really strong lavender flowers. I cringed.

"I absolutely love the new house." She looked at the ceiling and at all the walls and kept smiling. Then all of a sudden her eyes met mine. "Oh my god!" She covered her mouth with her hands. "Ellie! I haven't seen you since you were a few days old! You've gotten soooo big!" I hid behind the wall again. My mother peered behind her to face me.

"Come on baby theres nothing to be afraid of. You remember Marisa. Don't you?" I ran over to her and stood next to my Mother. "Do you remember Marisa?" She asked gently again. I just shook my head. The lady's hair was fake blonde and she had blue turquoise eyes.

"How old are you now Ellie?" She asked me eagerly. I held out four fingers in front of me. "Four?!?! Wow! Your such a big girl now!" Her enthusiasm entertained me. My

mom smiled at her then asked me what I wanted to eat for breakfast. At four years old I was always afraid to talk when strangers were around me.

"Cupcakes." I replied shyly.

"Cupcakes?!?! Silly girl we can't have cupcakes for breakfast."

"But, why not?" I replied.

"How about a bagel? Does that sound good?"

"Yes!" I smiled. The lady seemed astonished at the conversation I was having with my Mom. I ran off into the kitchen to find my cat laying on top of the counter top as usual. Once he smelled me in the room he bolted up and ran over to greet me. He acted different with me then everyone else. He was mean spirited but when I was near him he turned into a totally different cat. His back arched and he stretched his paws out in front of him. His fur felt silk-like as it slid through my fingers. He stretched out his neck to rub his face onto mine. I giggled. Growing up was a lot of fun but one thing I didn't like was I never even once got to see my father. I would only hear his voice. It almost seemed like he ran and hid before I could see him. It started to bother me more and more as I got older.

That night I remember one specific conversation between my Mother and the lady.

"So Ellie is the miracle child... isn't she?" She tried to whisper but my hearing was young and strong. MyMom didn't answer right away. I just heard a sniff.

"Yes, she is." There was a pause of silence. I just kept playing with my toys and pretended not to listen or understand them.

"When I was giving birth the nurses knew I was dying. They did everything they could but it was my end." She paused and wiped her eyes again. "I knew it too. But as soon as the priest stepped into the room I asked him to say a prayer for me in my final minutes and for Ellie to have a long healthy and blessed life. And he saved me and Ellie." She looked over to me and smiled. The lady was astonished and got tears in her eyes too.