Menacingly

I woke up with a splitting headache and arms wrapped around me, the feeling of a rock hard chest against my back and calm breathing on my shoulder.

I glanced behind me seeing that it was Toby sleeping peacefully and frowned as I slowly removed his hands from around me and got out of bed.

He grumbled something incoherent and for a second I thought that he had been awakened by my movements but he turned onto his stomach going back to being silent.

Getting out of bed I followed a breeze that was coming from the balcony and leaned against the rail, looking up at the stars- almost like I use to when Jason, Melissa and I were all together.

"It isn't the same," I murmured to myself. "I'm all alone."
My heart cried out as I said this and I let my eyes close shut, tightly.

"Daddy come watch the stars with us!" I exclaimed running into his office. He looked up at me and smiled before a frown took over.
"I'm busy Spencer-"
"Your always busy." I cut him off frowning as well.

Ignoring me completely he went back to his work and I exited the room, closing the door behind me. "Spence come here." Jason said reaching his arms out to lift me.

I laid my head down on his shoulder as we walked up to the planetarium.
"Why do we come here so much?" I asked looking at Melissa for an answer.
"Because," she frowned. "It's the closest thing we have to hope."

"What does that mean?"

"You don't notice it because your so young but one day we want be here for you and soon enough you'll understand."
Still not understanding what that meant I nodded my head.

Once we had reached the planetarium everything in my mind disappeared and I could see that my siblings felt the same way just by the looks of everything.

"I understand now." I cried sitting down on the floor, burying my face in the palm of my hands.
I hand landed on my shoulder but I didn't look up, already knowing who it was.

"Its four o'clock in the morning. . . What's the matter?" Toby asked rubbing my back in a soothing manner.
"I'm fine." I cried, my voice shaking dramatically.
"Spencer-"
"I said I'm fine!"

Silence filled the air for a moment both of us surprised at my out burst but the silent tears not stopping.
"I'm sorry." I murmured.
Toby said nothing, he simply continued to rub my back soothingly.

As he did so, I began thinking of some other things to get my mind off of every negative thought that I had but I found that to be hard.

Every memory that I had seemed like they were all picture perfect but it's the closer you look at the picture when you start to realize that something was off.

The more and more I think, the more and more I realize that there were tons of things thug happened in my past that I haven't ever really looked out, all revolving around my dad.

Breaking me out of my train of thought, Toby had finally began to speak.
"You and the girls really connect huh?" he asked tilting my head up and wiping away my tears.

"Yes but. . . That's not what this is about," I frowned running a hand through my hair. "I keep trying but I can't just forget about my past- it hurts emotiontonally every time I try."
"Spencer," Toby sighed moving so that he was behind me.
The moment his hands made their way to my shoulder I calmed down a little.
"It's obvious that your still not ready to talk about it so I'm not gonna ask but tell me what I can do."

I looked up at him and he was already looking down at me, our faces only inches away.
I licked my dry lips causing his attention to flash down as I spoke.
"Be here." I mumbled.

Toby slowly moved in closer stopping just as his lips were about to touch mine.
"I'm not going anywhere." he mumbled.

No longer being able to contain myself I leaned up further taking his lips into mine.
His tongue immediately licked my bottom lip begging for entrance but I didn't give into it.

Suddenly, his right hand slid around my waist and reached down until he was able to stroke my inner thigh. I gasped and Toby took that as an opportunity to thrust his tongue into my mouth.

I suppressed a loud moan his hand began edging closer to my desire but once he was near he moved away from it.
"Please." I murmured against his lips, my breathing on a whole new level.

"No," he responded gruffly pushing his lips onto mine once again and lifted me off the ground. Soon I was placed on the bed writhing under his touch. Before his hand was removed causing an involuntary whimper to emerge from me. "I'm not going to take your virginity- I don't know what I was thinking."

I frowned but didn't argue, not sure whether this was what I wanted or not.
Regret flashed in his eyes and I had to ask,"did I do something wrong?"

His eyes widened as he shook his head hysterically.
"You didn't do anything I'm just upset with myself," he told me then his eyes widened a little more. "You've never-" I cut him off.
"No I have never been with a guy before and I don't know what to do in a relarionship."

Sitting up I looked down at my hands.
"You don't need to be embarrassed Spencer it's a good thing." Toby assured me.
I looked at him strangely, "How is that a good thing- I repel instead of attract guys."

"That's not true," Toby assured me. He grabbed the blanket, pulling it over the both of us and I took that as my cue to lie down. "The moment you walk into a room all the guys undress you with their eyes and I've gotten so close to bashing their heads into a wall."

He let out a growl as he said that last part, pulling me closer to him as he said this.
"I never really take notice in the guys- the only guys I've actually talked with is Lucas and you."

"What about Dean?"

"Dean hates me with all of his guts." I admitted. Toby chuckled,"he hates everyone so don't push his buttons and he actually isn't as bad as Andrew."
"Who is Andrew?" I yawned.

"Your tired, go to sleep and we might discuss him later." Toby told me.
"I don't want to sleep." I grumbled.

"I'm not going you a choice." he replied tightening his grip on me. I tried breaking out of his arms but he didn't budge.

Suddenly a frown took over his features as he looked down at me.
"Go to sleep," he demanded now in a more serious tone. "Your eyes are blood shot and your beginning to slur your words."

Giving up, I finally relaxed letting my eyes flutter close and his grip had loosened on me.
"Toby what do we have?" I asked looking up at his closed eyes.

"Do you want a relationship?" he mumbled opening his blue orbs.
I nodded hesitantly causing him to give a full genuine smile, "Then that's what we have."