Fallen Heroes

Chapter Fifteen: Dean Through the Looking Glass

I cried myself to sleep that night. Cas didn't come back, no matter how much I begged. How much I screamed. He was gone for good.

Or so I thought.

The next morning, I once again woke up with my arms wrapped around a body. His head was snuggled into my chest, his arms wrapped securely around my waist.

My breath hitched excitedly in my throat, a grin stretching across my face as I buried my nose in his messy hair.

"Cas?" I whispered.

Cas slowly opened his eyes, a sleepy smile on his face. "Dean."

My arms tightened around him as I laughed. Slowly, I sobered up, running my hands through his messy hair. "Why did you come back?"

His eyes hardened. "I didn't."

"What?" I blinked, and he was gone. My arms were wrapped around a large pillow, my fingers brushing across its surface. "Cas...?" my voice broke when I realized that he was never really there.

Stumbling my way to the kitchen, I silently made myself breakfast. Even if we no longer needed to eat, it was still habit for me and Sam.

My brother was already up, eating a bowl of oatmeal after his usual morning run. "Dammit, Sammy, we exorcise not exercise," I grumbled.

He snorted. "Not anymore. You really should start running." I made a noise of agreement, but didn't say anything else. Sam frowned. "What's up?"

I shrugged, "Nothing." Pouring myself a mug of coffee, I walked back out of the kitchen and sat down on the front porch.

Sipping on the warm liquid, I stared at the rising sun and the orange hues it cast upon the ground. My gaze dropped to my bare feet, my toes curling around the worn wood. The creak of the deck told me that I wasn't alone anymore.

"What's really going on?" Sam asked, sitting down next to me.

"I told you: nothing," I denied. "I'm fine."

Sam sighed. "I know you're upset about Cas, but-"

I laughed humorlessly. "I made a mistake, Sam. I know that. But I can't bring him back; no matter how hard I try."

My little brother nodded slowly. "You're right. But I'm here for you, Dee. Whatever you need."

Half of my mouth quirked up into a small smile. "Thanks, Samuel."

He chuckled. "It's Sam."

***

A week later, I once again woke up with Cas by my side. I prayed to Chuck that it wasn't another dream, that he was actually real somehow.

His eyes were as blue as ever, his soft smile one that I had missed more than I could explain.

"Cas...? Are you... Are you really here?"

Cas nodded. "If I wasn't, could I do this?" He pressed his lips to mine, the familiar feeling sending me bursting into tears.

"I'm so sorry, baby," I whispered into his shoulder after we had broken apart. "I am so, so sorry."

His voice was soft, "I forgive you."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to prevent any more of my tears soaking into his shirt. "Why? How could you forgive me after everything I've done to you?"

"It's easy," he whispered, his warm breath fanning across my neck. "I'm not real."

My eyes snapped open once again, taking in the pillow in my arms. I buried my face in it, Cas' scent of sunshine, kittens, and just Cas barely lingered on the fabric.