Fallen Heroes

Chapter Nineteen: When You're Gone

"You know that's a one-way ticket, right?"

"I'm willing to give up my eternity for Sam and Cas."

He sighed. "You'll never see them again. And they'll never see you."

"I know..." I closed my eyes and thought of the sparkling smiles of my brother and my baby. "But they're worth it."

"You won't be a ghost. You'll be a nothing."

"And what's the difference?" I asked.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "A nothing is a spirit that just... Disappears. It doesn't go to Heaven. It doesn't go to Hell or Purgatory, either. It just vanishes."

I bit my lip. "And they can't bring me back?"

"No matter how hard they try."

I sniffed back a tear. "At least let me say goodbye to Sam and Cas."

"I'll give you a week." He raised his fingers to snap Sam back to the world of the living and to bring Cas with so I could see him one last time, but I stopped him. "What is it?"

"Nothing," I smiled. "Thank you. For everything."

"Don't get all mushy on me now, Dean," he scolded.

I nodded, laughing. "Take care of Sammy, okay? He's really gonna need you."

Gabriel gave me the most sincere smile that I had ever seen on his face. "You have my word."

***

I blinked, my eyes readjusting to the dim light. I was back in the bunker. The real bunker. "Thank you, Gabe," I whispered to the ceiling.

I stood up and cracked my back, opening my bedroom door. "Dean?" I whipped towards the familiar voice. "What am I doing here? What are you doing here?"

"Cas," I breathed, running to wrap him in a tight embrace. He stiffened underneath my touch. I pulled back and softly held his face in my hands. "I do want to get married, Cas," I whispered. "I do want to spend the time I have left with you."

He shook his head. "Dean-"

I stopped him by pressing my lips to his. "I didn't mean it, Cas. Not a single damn word." I grabbed his hands in mine and pressed them to my racing heart. "This heart beats only for you, Cas," I said. "I loved you too much for you to be dead. But I should've just let you stay. It was your choice."

"Dean," Cas tried again.

"I'm not finished. I love you so much, Castiel. And I promise to love you forever, too." Taking a deep breath, I slowly lowered myself onto one knee and pulled out my mom's old ring. "Castiel, will you marry me?"

Cas' eyes widened as his hand flew to cover his mouth. He stepped back a couple of paces, tears forming in his eyes as he shook his head. "No," he said.

My heart stopped. I couldn't breathe. Everything that I had ever feared rushed to the surface, my emotions threatening to cripple me. I clenched my jaw and swallowed hard, pushing myself to stand up. I tried to say something, but Cas stopped me.

The smile that I had missed so much had resurfaced, tears seeping through his laugh lines. "No, because I wanted to propose."

I blinked in surprise, my mind not connecting the wires. "What?"

Cas copied my movements and got to the ground, holding a small black box. "Dean Jonathan Winchester, will you marry me?"

I nodded enthusiastically, laughing and crying at the same time. "Yes!"

My fiancé stood up and wrapped me in a hug, his lips pressing into mine. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too." We pulled back, our foreheads pressed together as we slid the rings onto each other's finger. "When did you get this?" I asked.

Cas shrugged. "About a week ago."

I frowned. "But I wasn't here."

He smiled sadly, his hand tracing my jawline. "No, but your grave was."

"You were going to propose... To my grave?"

Cas nodded. "I tried so many times. But I couldn't bear the thought of my question being met with silence." He shook his head, burying it into my shoulder. "Even if you had said no, it would've been better than nothing at all."

I closed my eyes. "I've missed you so much, baby. And I'm so sorry. For everything."

"I forgive you, Dean."