Diary of an Alcoholic||mgc au #wattys2017

9

"Well, I see here that you have been trying to recover from your alcoholism." Michael's counselor, Mary, said looking through Michael's papers once again.

Mary leaned back in her chair pushing her dark hair away from her face exposing more of her freckled skin and her piercing blue eyes. "Why don't you tell me about what's been happening these past few weeks."

Michael sighed, thinking about how to respond to Mary. He ran lines through his head as though he was auditioning for a part in a play.

Everything's been good. I've barely drank anything. I almost slipped once but, that people talked me out of it. I've also been going to the AA meetings like you and my family suggested.

Michael looked down. "Everything's been good." He disregarded everything he had thought in his head, except the one line that he spoke aloud to her.

"Michael, you have to give me more than that. Pleas tell me what's been happening." Mary insisted sitting forward in her seat.

"I've gone to the AA meetings like you told me to. My mom has been taking me to those, since I still don't have a license." He crossed his arms over his chest and shifted uncomfortably in the chair he was sitting in.

"That's good. It's a start." She said smiling widely, her smile seemed as though it was fake.

"Yeah, it's a start." Michael said repeating what she had said to him.

"Michael," she said as she stood up. Mary bent down to one of the drawers on the file cabinet. "I'm going to give you this."

Michael looked at Mary and took the notebook out of her hands. "Why?"

Mary walked back behind her desk and leaned back in her chair. "In that notebook I want you to write everything that happens to you. Then after two weeks you will come back drop this off with me, I'll read it, and then I will be giving it back to you. We will continue this for the next month." She looked at Michael. "Do you understand?"

Michael nodded. He looked the notebook and flipped through the blank pages. "May I leave now?"

Mary nodded. "See you in two weeks we those entries."

Michael smiled and walked out of he office holding the notebook in his hand.

~~~~~~~

"Mom, I don't see the point of writing anything in this stupid damn book." Michael said throwing the notebook on the floor of the car.

"Maybe it'll help you more." Karen replied.

"No, it won't. If I'm not one to share my feelings verbally why would I share them in writing." Michael said crossing his arms in frustration. "I don't see a point in having anyone help me. I don't listen to them anyways."

"Michael, just give this a shot. You don't have to write things down everyday. Just a write down things when you need to write them."

He sighed looking down at the black covered notebook on the floor. He reached his arm out to grab it. "Fine. I'll give it a shot."

Karen looked to her son with a smile on her face and joy in her eyes. Joy that her son was finally trying to get better.

~~~~~

25 April 2016

Well, I didn't know what to really write about. Nothing has happened to me the past few days. I thought I should at least have something written down in here.

I don't know what to really write since I've never been one to speak, express, or write my feelings. I've always confined them inside of me and now that I've been keeping them inside they have all formed a bomb, and now they all just want to explode.

The feelings stopped coming out when my father left when I was 14. I was a happy kid, always wanting the people around me to be happy. Yet, once he left I wanted everyone around me to be as sad and broken as me. I didn't want others to have a father since I didn't have one and I didn't want people to be happy cause I wasn't happy.

After my father left I began dating a girl named Jane who was an addict. She was addicted to heroine and died of an overdose in 2013. If anyone was able to look up her police record she would have multiple domestic violence charges against her. The relationship we had was abusive. She was the one who broke me down even more.

I guess that's where I'm stuck right now. I'm broken and can't pick up the pieces anymore. I've just given up. Given up on life. Given up on everything.

Note: I think I just started to cry.

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