Hope Your Heart Is Strong Enough (Francisco Lashowski)

Chapter 38

When I was a kid, I always wondered why my mom treated me like I was less than my sisters. . I was a brilliant student, I had perfect grades, I always went on well with my sisters when I was a kid and I used to obey my mother.. But my mom always made it feel like my older sister was better than me, I always felt ignored between my sisters.
My older sister was just the older sister she was.. My younger sister was the spoiled kid for ten years until my youngest sister was born. But they both were the spoiled kids. And where was I between them ?

The only time my mother called me honey was when she was going to ask me to do the dishes or to take care of my sisters when she'll be out.

Yeah..

I remember once when I was fifteen years old.. I came back home crying because of the boy I had a crush on, and my mother didn't even notice. She even called me to cook the dessert for the night, and when I refused to.. she started yelling at me saying that I was useless and good for nothing.. she even called me fat.

She said these hurtful words easily that it shocked me how, how could she ?

I don't know if she has ever realised how much every word she said hurt me like hell and how they affected me and left sobbing and crying myself to sleep for several nights.

Will she ever regret it ? Will she ever be able to understand the pain she put me into ? Will she ever understand the sea of depression she made me dwell in ?

Though I think I understood everything after knowing about my father, she looked at me like a mistake. I reminded her of the past that she regretted. I bet she hoped I was never born. I bet that if she had the chance to get rid of me, she would do it without a blink.

Sometimes I wonder.. Do parents ever realize how they much they hurt their kids ? Do they know that their kids might be so insecure about themselves because of their acts that "they didn't mean that way" ? Do they know that their kids might be facing problems that they have no idea about ? Do they know that their children might be crying themselves to sleep while they're watching tv and having fun and maybe talking shit about them ..

I've had a rough childhood that I promised myself that when I'll  have kids, I will take care of them as much as possible and even more. I will never abandon them nor let a tear escape their glowing eyes.

I promised myself that..

A/N : this will be soon edited.. I will continue writing it later ♡♡♡