The Difference Between You And Me

Distance Can Make A Heart Grow Fonder

I woke up the next day and sure enough, Levi wasn't there. There was no gag worthy scent of cleaning solutions. There was no hard kick in the side. There was no playful banter.

There was no Levi.

Throughout the day, I would flipflop between being unbearably mad at the short human and missing him so much that I couldn't move. I think back to what I said to him before he left and regret it. It doesn't matter what he said, it was our last evening together before he left for five months.

Five months!

What if he realizes that I annoy him too much and he decides not to come any more?

What if that was the last time I would get to see him, talk to him.

Ever.

I wouldn't be able to bear it.

I had said, earlier yesterday, that I couldn't imagine my life without him anymore. I wasn't lying.

It was the truth.

Truth.

Truth hurts sometimes.

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The pain of loss grew each day that passed by. It was almost the end of the first week and it was near unbearable. What made it worse is that he didn't die or anything. Its not something that I can't help. I could have persuaded him. I could have went with him if I really wanted to...but I didn't.

That's what made it worse.

I chose separation, and now all I want is Levi back. I want him to seem like he's mad at me but the way his eyes shine tell me that he's not. I want him to scold me and then gently show me how its properly done. I want him to obsess over whether I'm clean or not.

I want him to call me Eren.

The quiet that used to be my only friend in past days, before Levi, is suffocating. It follows me, crying out to be filled but I just can't bring myself to speak. My voice isn't needed when Levi isn't here.

All I do, day in and day out, is wander. I look around my territory, looking at the scenery that used to look so beautiful but now looks so bland. I didn't know loneliness could get like this. I didn't know that it would make everything so unimportant except for getting that person back. If I had know it would be like this, I wish I had never met Levi in the first place!

But no...

Nononono...

I remember now.

This is what the world always looked like. It was Levi who changed that. Levi made the world so beautiful. It's just reverted back to its original state because it doesn't have to show off for him anymore.

Without Levi, the world is an ugly place.

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By the time the end of the first month rolled around, I barely ever left the cave. I couldn't stand seeing the world anymore. All I had was Levi, and now he's gone. I know he'll come back.

Maybe.

Its just that this is the longest he's not been here.

When he comes back.

If, he comes back.

I'm going to make sure to apologize to him. I'm going to make him understand that I am so sorry and then beg him not to leave ever again.

I should start trying to stay up later. Just in case he comes at night. I don't want to be asleep for when he comes.

Alright. I'll just stay here, wait for night and then stay awake.