The Difference Between You And Me

The Silk Weaver (Part 9)

Sorry for doing that to Mikasa but I needed something dark and I figured Armin would probably shatter into a million pieces if I did it to him. This chapter is really dark. It has meantions of suicide and it has some self harm in it so of you're not down with reading about that then please don't, I'll make a brief description of the chapter at the bottom. Please review! I really want to hear what you guys think!

Sincerely,

Shado on'nanoko.

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When we found her it was already done.

Her blanket was torn and tossed to the side while Mikasa lay, back against the wall and completely striped of her clothes. Scratches marred her skin, a garish red contrasting badly with her delicate pale complexion. Her eyes were empty, unseeing, but twitched every now and again, a slow blink showing she was alive. Her chest rose unevenly but she didn't shake.

Her mouth was open as if she was calling out for help...

For me to save her...

Armin rushed to her side, swiping the blanket off the dirty ground and draping it reverently over the soiled girl. She didn't look up.

He was frantic, hands shaking dramatically as he waved them over her, not even touching her because he didn't know what to do. What did you do in a situation like that?

I stepped forward, arms reaching out, probably shaking just as much as Armin's but suddenly he wasn't. His hand reached up like lightning and slapped mine away.

"Don't you dare touch her!" He hissed. I reeled back, eyes wide with hurt and confusion but his eyes only hardened.

"You promised..." He whispered.

I shuddered

I had promised

"You promised you'd keep her safe and now look at her!" His eyes narrowed to slits, chest heaving with uncharacteristic rage. "Don't touch her, I'll carry her back"

And that's how it went, Armin shouldering a weak willed Mikasa who dragged her feet, causing more problems for Armin, and me trailing behind somberly, jerking forwards every time the pair stumbled. My hands were clenched at my stomach, my insides writhing and twisting in disgust at myself.

How could I?

It wasn't even that long that I wasn't looking and she was out of sight!

What could I have done to stop it?

Could I have done anything?

Fucking pathetic

Getting home took longer than usual, our accumulated shuffling slowing our pace greatly. Armin didn't even look at me when I opened the door, only sliding past, whispering to Mikasa and guiding her to their room. I watched as the door closed behind them and suddenly...

Why was I always on the wrong side?

My disgust bubbled and grew, pushing up my throat with enough force to make me gag. I stumbled away from their room, heading to the door that lead to what I really was, a weak, pathetic, disgusting monster.

The furniture I'd used to block the door off fell with a crash but I didn't spare it a glance. The door creaked ominously on its hinges as it swung open and I stared into the darkness of the basement. I descended, eyes dull and shivers occasionally shaking my frame while the stairs squeaked. I could smell the copper and the rot of leftover bits and it only encouraged the fury and disgust that consumed me.