Brown Haired Beauty // Joshler | ✔️

17- Now I'm Alone

Tyler's P.O.V.

I couldn't believe it. I picked up the phone, not knowing what words would come to my ears. And those words were the most devastating I've ever had to hear. It was as though my heart was ripped from my chest, thrown on the ground and stomped all over right in front of my face. Tears immediately streamed down my face and I just hung up, not saying a single word. I fell to my knees and choked up, wailing loudly so the entire apartment building could probably hear. The words I heard were the most painful possible that I could think of. It was horrible. I hated the feeling. And now, I was all alone. No one to love me or keep me company. It was just me now.

The words were, "I'm so sorry to inform you, but Josh Dun died in his sleep from internal bleeding." They hit me in the chest like a car racing at 100 miles an hour. It was like...losing someone you've known your entire life. I loved him so much, words couldn't describe how I felt for him. He was more special than anyone I've ever met. He was different, and that was perfect for me. Me, I was just that stereotypical shy kid that fell in love with the outgoing guy. A typical love story for a typical guy. That was my legacy.

His legacy, however, was much different. He left an impression on me that could not be explained, nor would anyone ever make that mark on me. But there was something good that came of his passing for me. I knew that I sent him off with a good memory of me. For example, my last words to him were 'I love you'. That was enough for me. Even after life, if I could make him happy with what we had in the short while we had it, I could live with that. He went to a place where he wouldn't be bothered by ex-girlfriends, or fall for the cruel tricks of society. If he was happy where he was, then I was happy.

But honestly, I wish all of it had never happened. The visit to the music store on, I wish I could have just erased it from history and Josh would be here with me and I wouldn't feel the way I did. I wouldn't be empty without him or I wouldn't be in my apartment alone with no one to help me through everything that happened in the recent weeks. It was all too much for me, but in honour of Josh, I didn't go back to my old ways on taking it out on my wrists. I stopped cutting because of him, and because of him, I will never put another self-inflicted mark on my body.

Josh made me realize that there was always a light in every dark tunnel, you just had to travel far enough that you would find it. He was the light, and life was my dark tunnel. He helped me come out of the darkness and into the light where I can be free of all worries and stresses about whether I'm good enough or not and how others think of me. I don't do that anymore. From this point on, I am released of all things that restrict me to do what necessary for me to live the life I want.

Josh may have been gone, but I wasn't. I was here, and because of that, I began to write songs to release my fears and insecurities. What happens bin my mind, I put on paper. It helped me to have an input for the problems circling my head constantly to no end. But I now had something. Writing was that thing. The words on the paper were the words left unspoken by my mouth to anyone. Most of the things I thought about our messed up world or my own messed up self were written in a more ambiguous form in song lyrics. So, as a final thought, what happens to me next?

That, I don't know right now. I hope to find someone else, but I doubt there will be anyone like Josh for me. Sure, I could love someone else, but not quite I felt about Josh. He was the one I was meant to meet and the one that had left the deepest of impressions on me. The kind that can't be erased by anything, not even another love even remotely close to Josh gave me. I was grateful for what I had because of me. I now had a deeper appreciation for life and everything it offers. Most of all, I was thankful I was able to experience true love at its finest. Josh was that true love of mine. No one could ever possibly compare to what he was to me.

So, long story short, Josh was the one that taught me there was always hope for a better life. And that I could make that life for myself. He was the one I needed. The one I was given to help me through the toughest times. And that I loved him more than anything. So now, as I celebrate what would have been his 28th birthday, I reminisce what it was like to be with him. The most special guy was the one that went way too early. That was it. Josh was the one who fixed my heart, while he was the one whose heart stopped beating first. I will always remember him. Always.

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That's it! I really hope you liked it! If you have any questions regarding the story, comment them and I will be glad to answer them! Now, just let me cry because a) Josh is now TWENTY EIGHT YEARS OLD HOW THE HELL and b) what I did to myself by writing this story. Thank you so much for reading!
~wakeupcrybaby <3