Behind Your Eyes {KurapikaXReader AU}

8| Wants and Desires

✿Your POV❀

I ran down the hallway and into the girls bathroom that no one ever went into. I leaned back on door as I slammed it shut. I sunk down to the tiled floors and took deep breaths as I felt my heart pounding out of my chest.

"I can't do this," I muttered to myself repeatedly. "I can't do this." I bumped my head against the door behind me, over and over again.

I tried to shut everything out, focusing on nothing but my breathing and the beat of my heart, but I couldn't. My mind wouldn't let me. I let the tears fall.

I couldn't do anything anymore.

I wanted to be with Kurapika; I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to laugh with him, spend time with him, make memories with him.

I was pathetic. I let my fear of one stupid person get in the way of a possible friendship that could have lasted a lifetime. I should have just ignored her. She couldn't throw anything at me that I couldn't handle, right? I already have suffered the worst of her taunting. In spite of that, her words echoed in my head: "Kurapika is never gonna like you. The only reason he is even near you is because he feel sorry for you."

"Damn it," I cried.

I couldn't even look at Kurapika without thinking I wanted to be with him. So why couldn't I just listen to  myself?

Whatever the reason, I hated myself because of it.

The only thing I could do was sit there and feel sorry for myself.

As the seconds ticked by, my self pity slowly turned into anger. Half of it towards myself, the other half towards the world that refused to let me be happy. I pounded my fist into the floor.

"I don't want this anymore!" I cried. "I don't want to be like this anymore!"

I picked myself up and dragged myself towards the sink. I cupped the running water in my hands and washed my face. I looked myself in the mirror. My hair was mess. My face was a mess. I was mess.

I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it back away from my face. When my eyes opened once again, a collision of blue and red were reflected at me. I looked at my face as if it was something to be ashamed of. I touched my cheeks and tugged on my skin causing my face in the mirror to distort my expression to the point where it was funny, but yet I stared at my imperfections, my own two eyes, like they were some kind of punishment or burden.

I thought, "Why did I have to be like this?"

I suddenly remembered Kurapika. I slapped my own face just as he would if he could here my thoughts right now. My cheeks turned red from the sting.

Before when I said that, he got really mad. Why?

Nevertheless, I needed that slap in the face.

I remembered his words, "Don't speak like that. You're not the only one who has been through hell because of something they can't change." It was hard to imagine what kind of hell he'd been put through. I can only assume it was really personal; where else would such anger come from?

I wanted to see him. I wanted to know more.

"I mean think about it, everyone hates you, you're worthless. Why is he any different."

I felt the tears rushing back to me, threatening to escape once more.

He had to be different.

He has to be.

I splashed more water onto my face like it would make me feel better. The only thing it did was get my face wet.

I looked into the mirror and fixed my hair. As I styled it to cover my eye the bathroom door opened.

It surprised me at first, no one ever came in here. One stressful day I decided that I didn't want to go to class and stumbled into this bathroom. I hided out in there for the rest of the day and noticed that not a single person walked in. After hiding there again and seeing this pattern continued, I guessed that this bathroom was forgotten about. What didn't surprise me was to see Leah. She didn't look too happy. Her face was a mixture of disappointment, anger, and concern.

"What are you doing?" She asked. Her tone was calm.

"How did you find me?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"I'm your best friend," She replied, "I know everything."

I leaned against one of the bathroom stalls and could feel my eyes water once again.

"Why are you avoiding Kurpika?" She asked with a serious tone.

I could give her an answer she would like; I tried to blink away tears,

"You don't seriously believe the bullshit Ashley said before. You can't let her take control over you like this." Her voice was laced with a mixture of anger and worry. "That's exactly why they think they can get away with things like this. You can't let her bother you."

I shook my head. "It's a lot harder than you think, Leah. Her voice is forever echoing inside my mind reminding me of how trashy my life is. I try to block it out but there's no stopping it; I want too but I can't!" My voice came out shakier than I wanted it to.

"But you at least have to know that she's wrong." She rested her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye, "You don't have to fight through this alone. I will always be here to support you and Kurpika is our friend!"

I flinched at the mention of his name.

Noticing my reaction she continued, "Kurapika is a friend that you can trust and count on. No matter what, he'll cheer, cry, and worry about you just as I would, (Y/N). You know he's waiting on the other side of this door haunted by the idea that you're hurting inside. He wants to apologize to you because he thinks he did something wrong! You think someone like that is just gonna abandon you?"

The last of my tears fell to the floor and I shook my head. "I want to be friends with Kurapika."

She extended her hand out to me and I took it. "Then let's go."

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Author's Note:

Well here is something you don't see everyday: I actually updated! Woohoo! Lol!
Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been trying to finish my other fanfic before I focus on this one but I decided to write so this book wouldn't be forgotten about.

Anyway,

Tell me what you think of this chapter!

I hoped you enjoyed it!

Thanks for reading!

❤️Lena out!🍉