Unconditionally [Luke Brooks Story]

~ Chapter Forty Two ~

~ Chapter Forty Two ~

Luke's POV

A couple of days later...

I opened my eyes and saw that I was alone in my bed, this is real life and Kelly is gone, I have to sleep alone now, forever, I'll never be with anyone else she was my one and only, I haven't seen the kids for a couple of days because they are staying with mum, she knows and so does everyone else, Tyler and Georgia have been told that mummy went away because she got very sick, but they know that she is gone, just like I do, except they didn't know how she died.

I can't help but blame myself, I should have gone with her, then maybe we would have turned left after the truck passed, she would still be alive if I went with her.

I need her, I need to hear her voice, I need her touch, her kiss, her laugh, her everything.

Why can't I fucking die too?

I think that my kiss was like poison to her, her body couldn't handle that last rush and that I was the one who killed her.

I just can't stop thinking lately.

It's killing me from the inside out, eating away at any happy thought I could possibly think up.

It's like I can't even remember the good times we had together, we were going to be married soon, we had everything planned, and we'd finally be able to say that we belong to each other forever.

I can't live without her.

I reached for my phone and saw I had a text message, I must be dreaming.

From: Kel<3

You'll be okay, I love you<3

But she can't be sending me text messages when she is in a body bag, she isn't here, she's dead, she can't be sending me any kind of message.

I locked my phone and then rolled over in my bed, after a while I decided to look at pictures of us on my phone, I flicked through our album and it was almost like a timeline of our relationship, pictures from when we were 18 were there, we were so young, so invincible, then I flicked through to our most recent picture, it was a few hours before the accident, she was with me in bed and we had just woken up from an afternoon nap, she and I both had bad bed hair and I thought it was the perfect moment for a picture, she looked so beautiful when she was laughing in the picture, after the picture was taken I posted it on Instagram and we got dressed again and went into the lounge and she grabbed her magazine and I turned on my laptop, no words were spoken but i wish I had said something to her, like I wish I told her that I loved her before she left.

There's so many things I needed to say, but didn't, because I thought she'd be coming home again, like I needed to tell her she's beautiful, that she meant the world to me, that she's my one and only love, that I need her, that without her I'm nothing.

It's true, without Kelly, I'm nothing, I'm just Luke again, not Kelly's boyfriend or part of a fandom nickname for our coupling, or Kelly's fiancé, just fucking Luke.

I decided that today I will get out of bed, take a shower and go see my children, because this isn't only my problem, they lost her too.

Right now, they need me.

I climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom, I almost gagged at my appearance, my hair was matted and untamed, dark circles hung under my eyes, my eyes were red from crying and I really needed a shave, I don't even look like me.

I showered and got dressed into a T-shirt and jeans, then brushed my hair, styled it, shaved my face and brushed my teeth, I noticed that I've lost a lot of weight from not eating and you can basically see my ribs now, I know it's seen as unhealthy to not eat and it isn't like I don't want to, it's just i can't physically do it, without her there doesn't seem like there's a point, so my body just can't do it.

I grabbed my phone and left the house and started to walk down to mums.

Once I saw the kids I felt bad, if I was with her she'd still be here, and they don't even know how she passed away.

I hugged them both tightly and it was almost like they didn't understand why I was sad and why she wasn't here too.

• A Few Days Later •

Today will probably be harder than yesterday and the day before that, today was the day I had to go to the morgue and see my beautiful Kelly in a body bag, and collect her belongings.

I started the car and drove to the morgue, once I entered the building I felt freezing cold, it was so dull and cold in here, it was like I was also dead.

I was taken into a room where there was a metal table with a black bag on it, I knew what was in it and I honestly didn't want to see my other half all cold and lifeless.

The bag was unzipped just enough to reveal her face, it was almost blue and her once full plump pink lips were purple, her skin was the palest shade of nude colouring that I had ever seen, a cut was on her forehead and on her upper lip, her body was so still that I started to feel bad again.

This is all my fault.

I was given a small brown paper bag with Kelly's name on it, full of her things that were found in the car.

Her phone, keys, dreamcatcher and sunglasses were in the bag, her phone was full of texts and calls from me trying to contact her before I believed she had died, I unlocked the phone and saw that there was a message she was in the middle of typing, obviously before she crashed.

To Luke:

Hey babe! I'm at the intersection waiting for the stupid traffic to die down, I love y

From Kelly

She never got to finish the message to me, that's even more of a reason why I blame myself for her death, she was texting me when she crashed.

If she wasn't looking at her phone texting me, she'd still be here.