Unconditionally [Luke Brooks Story]

~ Chapter Forty Four ~

~ Chapter Forty Four ~

I must be going insane.

I've seen Kelly 14 times since the funeral, and I swear it feels like she is actually there when I see her, she is always laughing and smiling at me, she says things too, like telling me to stay positive and raise our children well and that she loves me.

I stepped out of the shower and dried off and got dressed then went down to the kitchen, I opened the fridge and took out a can of coke, I closed the door and saw Kelly, she caused me to drop my coke on the tiles.

"Ugh Kel, you scared me." I said bending over to pick up the can off the ground.

Once I stood up straight she said "Sorry Lukey, I just missed you."

Her lip being held in between her teeth.

I smiled and she put her hand on my cheek, I could feel the warmth from it being transferred to my body, she has to be here, this feels too real.

She looked at the clock on the wall and then back at me her smile diminishing then she said "I have to go now."

I grabbed her wrist as she turned around to leave, she looked up at me with sadness in her eyes.

"Luke I have to-"

"Stay." I said.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't belong here anymore, I'm dead Luke you're talking to a ghost, you are going mad, I have to go because I don't want you to go crazy on me." She replied.

"Im talking to you Kel, because you are actually here, because I love you, and I need you here with me and the kids." I said.

She sighed and then shook her head croaking out a 'no' then pulling her wrist from my grip and walking out the door.

She's gone again.

I slumped down on the couch and sighed as I threw my head back in defeat.

Then I heard a knock at the door so I got up to open it, hoping that it was Kelly changing her mind and coming back to stay with me, I opened the door and saw Beau standing there his smile fading when he saw me.

"Come in." I said in monotone.

I returned to my spot on the couch and he followed me into the lounge and sat in the armchair next to me.

"The kids miss you." He said, trying very hard not to upset me.

"Are you going to come see them soon? You haven't seen them since the - uh f-funeral." He said.

I sat there staring at the blank white wall above the tv not wanting to say anything.

"Luke are-"

"I keep seeing her." I said cutting him off.

"What do you mean?"

"She keeps coming here and talking to me and this morning she touched my cheek and I could feel her hand on it, and she went to leave and I grabbed her wrist to stop her, If she was really gone I wouldn't be able to touch her." I explained.

"But Luke, she isn't there." He whispered.

I glared at him in anger, how could he say she isn't there when he hasn't seen her, heard her or touched her since the accident.

I stood up and my breathing began to become heavier as I was angry.

"How would you even know Beau! You didn't know her like I did, you didn't love her like I still do and you certainly haven't seen her since that accident so you can't say she isn't there because you have no proof of it." I yelled.

"I do." He said quietly.

I felt my muscles soften and my face wasn't red anymore.

"Come with me." He said.

I followed him to his car and we sat in silence as the radio played songs that I didn't really know, I was fine until they played Kelly's favorite song,"The Way".

'You give me that kind of something, want it all the time need it everyday, on a scale of 1 to 10 I'm at 100, never giving up I can't stay away'

"Luke why are you crying?" Beau asked me.

I felt warm tears flooding down my face as I was reminded of Kelly because of this song, once I asked her why she liked it and she told me that it reminded her of me and she would listen to it when she missed me because she could relate to the lyrics because she loved me more than anyone has ever loved another person.

"This is, was Kelly's favorite song." I said.

He was silent and his eyes kept focused on the road.

'I got a bad boy I must admit it, you got my heart don't know how you did it, and I don't care who sees it babe I don't wanna hide the way I feel when you're next to me, I love the way, I love the way, baby I love the way, ooh I love the way, the way you love'

Maybe there is something wrong with me and I do need help.

Once the song finished Beau mustered up the courage to talk again.

"So when are you going to see the kids again? They miss you." He said.

"I don't know Beau, they remind me of her so much and it hurts me knowing that they'll have to grow up without her." I said.

"But if you don't see them they'll grow up without you too." He said.

He's right, I can't put off seeing my children because they remind me of her, I'll end up out of their lives and they'll grow up and I won't see it.

I need to put them first.