Caligula and Caesar's American Adventure

Pennies and Wotsits (Cali)

So, two more quick things to add to the “Cae is a Fucking Idiot” file:

1) So we get to Saks, right? This whole time she’s bitching about my driving and lack of spending money, and I’m like “This bitch better love this place.” So we get there, spend twenty minutes finding a parking space for this fucking VW, and then once we park Cae turns to me and says, I shit you not, “So what do they sell here?”

I do not feel that anger accurately describes what I felt here.

Me: “You’re joking.”

Cae: “No, what do they sell? Do they sell Wotsits?”

Me: “What’s a wotsit? Hehehehe. Puns. But seriously, shut up with your British bullshit. You know they sell clothes. Let’s go.”

Cae: *whilst sighing like a bitch* “Oh, it’s clothes? I don’t like shopping for clothes.”

Me: “Shut up. Just shut up and get out of the damn car.”

Cae: “I really don’t. I like comics. Do they sell comics?”

Me: “Are you fucking five years old?”

Cae: “You told me you had comics too!”

Me: “That’s different. I’m better than you, so I deserve comics. Some British asshole who makes some poor girl drive all the way to Saks Fifth Avenue without knowing what they sell, however, does not deserve comics.”

Cae: “Can we go to the Empire State Building?”

Me: “Fuck you. Don’t even start.”

Cae: “But it’s so tall! I bet they sell Wotsits, or at least some Marmite! Maybe they sell tea, too!”

Me: “...Fine. Fucking fine. We’ll go to the Empire State Building. It’s more exciting than sitting in the parking lot of Saks arguing over what they sell.”

Cae: “Yay!”

Me: “Damn you.”

 

2) So we get to the Empire State Building, and we take the elevator. Turns out we’re both afraid of the death traps, so we end up holding hands and then the other woman in the elevator looks at us weird. Judgemental asshole.

Once we got to the top and Cae stopped ranting about how pretty everything was, I told her about the theory that if you dropped a penny from the top of the building and it landed on someone’s head, it would kill them.

So what does Cae do? She takes out a penny, and drops it off the building. Guess what? It hit someone. Yeah. It did. I didn’t see if they were dead, because I was too busy dragging our asses back into the elevator before the cops showed up. You know what she asked in the elevator? Not “Do you think he’s okay,” or “Should we call the police?” No, because that would be logical and non-assholish. No, what she asks is this:

“Do you think they sell Wotsits here?”

Damn it.