Caligula and Caesar's American Adventure

What's Mine is Yours (Cae)

We don’t talk about last night. I don’t want to and Cali doesn’t want to so, well, we don’t. But it’s not like it’s awkward or anything. What happened, happened. We’ve both been there before. Fuck, have I been there before. Now we’re nearly wherever we’re going and Cali blindfolded me but I can see through enough to write. She doesn’t seem to care. She’s just babbling away like normal, about some amazing band or other. I’m not really listening because, well, it’s Cali. She can talk for fucking hours about music. We’re here now. I’ll be back soon (I hope.)

*

Right so we got there, and she shouted at me, “We’re here!” and I got all excited and she dragged me out of the van and we were at a fucking mine. Not like some sort of amusement park or anything – an actually honest to God mine. I mean, kudos to it for being the biggest motherfucking mine, but it’s a mine. The view, however, is fucking awesome. Like, it stretches out for miles ‘cause it’s at the top of some goddamn mountain. Anyway, it was supposed to be fifty dollars for us to get in but Cali, using her magic charm (aka, tits) got us in for thirty. Thirty fucking dollars we don’t have, mind you. Unless she whores herself out, which I think she will probably do at some point.

Me: “You know we don’t have the cash for this kind of exertion?”

Cali: “Who says that?”

Me: “Uh, I do?”

Cali: “Pfft, we have as much as we need.”

Me: “What about if it runs out?”

I swear to God, if the poor sod existed, she jiggled her boobs and slapped my bum. Not hard or anything, but enough that a large family stared and the mother, far too skinny for the five kids to be hers, glared.

Cali: “Anyway, even if I don’t get me some sweet motherfucking ass, we can take anything we find. You know, sell it on maybe.”

Me: “If everyone can take it, it’s not valuable.”

Cali: “Who gives a shit about value? It’s worth shit, I’m sure, but people don’t know that.”

Me: “God, Cali. Your morals are … loose.”

Cali: “Just like me.”

So we walked down this really steep path to the mine and probably spent a good couple of hours scouring the rocks for anything remotely interesting. Cali got a bag from the front guy and we filled it with minerals of all different colours.

“You know, this place is like millions of years old,” she told me. I hate anything that goes past the year. Wait, that makes no sense. What I mean is I can go back, like, two thousand years. That’s it.  We're only in 2013, and I don't believe in the whole Jesus shebang. So I asked her how many millions. Four hundred fucking million years old. How the fuck is that even possible? So for the rest of the time, Cali talked about the mine and her knowledge of infinite depth, of how it opened in 1963 and a hundred and fifty minerals have been found. Turns out she read a leaflet when I wasn’t looking just to impress me. It worked. Kind of flattered she wanted to impress me, really.

Me: “Can we really keep all of this?”

Cali: “Yeah, weren’t you fucking listening to me? God, Cae. Get a clue. What’s mine’s is mine. Ha, get it?” And she prodded me until I laughed. “You could try a little harder.”

Me: “Ha. Ha. Ha.” As dry as possible, of course. We managed to fill the bag after long enough in the dark tunnels, really creepy fucking places. There were some steep places, and slippery bits, so I held Cali’s hand and she pretended to be reluctant, but I know she was scared shitless too. Another family, with another stuck up motherfucker of a mother gave us an odd look for that so I just stuck my tongue out at her. Immature, I know, but she wasn’t exactly grown-up of the year. She just turned on her heel and hurried her kids along. Never had I wanted more to stick my tongue down Cali’s throat, just to piss off that bitch, but I didn’t because Cali was talking about some mineral or other.

It was hot when he left. Really hot. When we got back to the van, she just whipped off her top and pranced around in her bra and shorts, announcing to the world that we were going to find a “cheap-ass motherfucking store and get shit for a fucking picnic.” I can’t wait.