I’m beginning to think this trip is just Cali’s screwathon. Has it been in every state yet? I don’t remember. She might be missing a couple, but I digress. Right now, she’s in Nick’s house, which is actually a trailer, and as far as I’m aware, they’re fucking. I don’t actually know, because I’m stuck in the van. Nick gave me a pizza in exchange for Cali. Fair deal. It’s a fucking awesome pizza, the cheesiest thing I’ve ever had. I love cheese.
Different lights keep going on. I wouldn’t watch, but there is nothing to do in here. I don’t feel like writing and I’ve finished the pizza (I’m not sure he meant for me to eat it all. oh well) and I broke my phone so there is nothing to do. So I’m just sitting here, watching them move from one end of the trailer (the kitcheny bit) to the other (the bedroomy bit) and I don’t wanna watch any more.
*
Ok so I took a shower and when I came out, Cali was sitting on my bed.
Me: “How’d it go?”
Cali: *laughs*
Me: “… what?”
Cali: “He, uh …”
Me: “What?!”
Cali: “So, it turns out, Nick has a tiny dick. Like, really small.”
Me: “Oh. Uh. So, that’s not good?”
Cali: “That’s fucking awful.”
Me: “But you had sex?”
Cali: “Technically. I mean, he put it …” She moved her hand in a circle over her crotch. “But I could have been asleep and I wouldn’t have noticed.”
Me: “That small?”
Cali: “Absolutely miniscule. Seriously, I didn’t feel a fucking thing.”
Me: “So what happened?”
Cali: “He came. Pretty quick, too. He was kinda selfish, or maybe he thought he was good. I had to finish myself off.”
Me: “Lovely. I really needed to know that.” I got dressed and she lay back, laughing.
Cali: “It was embarrassing, for him. Unless he doesn’t realise he’s not no dick. Nicky No Dicky.”
Me: “Tricky Dicky Nicky.”
Cali: “The opposite. Shitty Dicky Nicky.” And she started laughing again, hysterically.
I don’t get this girl. She was in love with this guy for years, and she lets it go at the drop of a hat because his dick isn’t big enough. The word shallow comes to mind, but it’s not enough. You’d have thought she could at least give him a go. But no, she’s lying on my bed, pissing herself about his tiny dick while we parked outside his trailer. He can probably hear her laughing. Poor guy.
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Caligula and Caesar's American Adventure
Teen FictionJoin Cali and Cae as they explore the vast expanse of the Americas, and the lovely platonic-yet-slightly-lesbianic relationship they have with one another. Bands, books, ice cream, and confusing British terminology are all conversations on the table...
