Something kind of big happened today, I guess.
Cae and I were getting absolutely fucking trashed in the back seat. Just trashed. It was fucking ridiculous.
So anyway, Drunk Cae being Drunk Cae, she starts asking me really personal fucking questions (hehehehehe double entendre) and we get on the subject of the guy I “love” or whatever:
Cae: “He likes you, you know.”
Me: “No he doesn’t. Just shut up about it.”
Cae: “He wants to snog you in your fanny.”
Me: “I don’t know what the fuck you just said.”
Cae: “Hehehehehehe, it’s kind of dirty...”
me: “I can imagine. Being that you, as a human being, are morally bankrupt, I can see you saying that.”
Cae: “Says the girl who tried to whore herself out for gas.”
Me: “I had legitimate reasons.”
Cae: “Whatever. But if you don’t call him right now and say that you like him I’ll call the fucker myself and do it.”
Me: “How? You don’t have my-”
*Cae holds up my phone*
Me: “You sick bastard.”
Cae: “I’m calling him now. Either you say it or I do. Your choice, but you know mine won’t be as pretty.”
I didn’t resist. I didn’t care, really; I knew I’d never do it myself, so what the fuck was the difference if a drunk English girl slurred it at him instead?
I heard a ringing noise, and Cae giggled like a dumbass as it kept going.
Then he picked up.
“Hello? Cali?”
I forgot how deep his voice was and I blushed.
Cae: “Fuck, are you blushing?”
Nick: “Cali? Is that you? Are you drunk? You sound wasted. And... English.”
Me: “No, hey, it’s... Hey. I’m here. Hey.”
Cae: “Jesus, get a little more nervous, why don’t you? I don’t think you said ‘Hey’ enough.”
I heard Nick laugh on the other end of the line.
Cae got uncomfortably close and tried to lean in, but she was so fucking drunk that she just fell on me, and then talked to me while her face was in my boob.
Cae: “Cali.”
Me: “Get off my boob.”
Cae: “Cali.”
Me: “What?”
Cae: “Are you going to tell him or should I?”
Me: “Shut up.”
Nick: “Tell me what?”
Me: “Um... Something... Something funny that happened.”
Nick: “Oh, cool! Tell me!”
Cae: “Fuck it, I’m telling him.”
Me: “Fine.”
Cae: “Hey, so Cali really likes you and wants to have consensual sex with you at whatever location you deem acceptable. From my past experiences with her she prefers dingy bathrooms and tables in RVs. But you know, wherever.”
Nick remained silent on the other end of the phone.
Me: “I’m sorry, I know you’re probably dating someon-”
Nick: “Come over.”
Me: “...What?”
Cae: “FUCK YES!”
Nick: “Come over. Does she have to... You know?”
Cae: “I can wait in the car.”
Me: “You’ll have to wait a long time. Seven years of passion.”
Nick: “Damn straight.”
Cae: “So where does he live?”
Me: “Oh, I forgot to tell you. He lives like, twenty minutes from where we are now.”
Cae almost fell over herself while running to the driver’s seat.
YOU ARE READING
Caligula and Caesar's American Adventure
Teen FictionJoin Cali and Cae as they explore the vast expanse of the Americas, and the lovely platonic-yet-slightly-lesbianic relationship they have with one another. Bands, books, ice cream, and confusing British terminology are all conversations on the table...
