Pieces Of Us - Until I Find You Again // Book Two

Chapter 18

I couldn't let it go. And I knew it meant seriously putting a dent in everything she and I had worked so hard for. But I just had this sinking feeling in my stomach. If I waited much longer for her to talk to me about her parents, she never would. And we'd be right back where we started.

I wanted to be with Emily. That was a given. No matter what it took to get there, I was willing to do it. But I didn't want us to go right back to where we'd been when all the problems started. Our kids deserved better than that. We deserved better than that.

Our visits now were a series of going through the motions. It's like neither of us knew where to go from here. And Diana was out of town for a week on vacation so we were on our own to figure out how to navigate through this one.

I felt like she was slipping away again.

She looked at me across the table at the restaurant we were in. Lucy had been coloring next to me since we'd been seated while Noah playfully slapped at his high chair tray.

I could tell she was as on edge as I was. I just didn't know if it was for the same reason. She took a breath,

"Lucy has a swim meet tomorrow." She informed me, finally breaking the silence between us.

I nodded,

"Ok, I'll be there."

And that was that, we stayed silent through the rest of dinner. Only talking to the kids whenever they said something.

The sadness in my chest was stifling.

--------------------------------

I laid Noah down in his crib. He'd fallen asleep on my chest while I'd read him and Lucy a bedtime story in her room. Emily was standing in the doorway as she watched me put our son to bed. She had her arms folded over her chest, but not in defiance. It was as if she was self conscious about something.

I turned on Noah's mobile before I joined her in the doorway.

She looked up at me, her eyes just as sad as I felt,

"Do you have to go?" Her voice sounded regretful, like she didn't want me to leave.

I nodded gently,

"I have to be at the studio early."

She looked down at her feet,

"Harry," She looked up, placing the hand she'd pulled into her hoodie sleeve over her mouth, "I feel like the Grand Canyon is between us."

"Me too."

"How do I fix it? I feel like it's my fault."

"It's not your fault. It's my fault too."

She looked up at me, her beautiful crystal blue eyes on the verge of tears. I knew she wanted to ask me if this was because she wouldn't talk to me about her parents, but I also knew she wouldn't open that can of worms again.

So instead, she stepped forward, dropped her chin and pushed the top of her head into my chest,

"You're trying so hard. And I'm putting up all these roadblocks."

I felt my chest constrict. Did she know how scared I was for her? For us? How badly I just wanted to hold onto her just then? Sweeping all of our issues under the rug was a tempting idea at the moment. I felt like we were on the edge of either falling away from each other completely or moving past this barrier once and for all. One decision, one word was all it would take for us to go one way or the other.

I set my chin on the back of her head,

"I'll keep trying if you will." I said finally, my voice full of hope.