Reckless ~ Sequel to Shameless {Bellamy Blake}

36~ Heal

I stare back at the Ark. It stares back at me. For a slight moment I feel a lump form in my throat as I stare back at something I thought I'd never see again. Bellamy's hand snakes around my lower back as he gives me a kiss on the cheek. I swallow done the tears and rest my head on Bellamy's shoulder as I see our people returning to their home. Kane and Abby enter first with Abby on a stretcher while Kane holds her hand. The Millers enter next, followed by Octavia and Lincoln, holding hands. Harper is next, followed by Monroe and Jasper, who looks like a wreck. Raven and Wick enter as well. Monty gives Clarke, who's standing further back than us, a hug before entering Arkadia. I unravel myself from Bellamy and walk over to Clarke. I feel Bellamy following me. 

"I think we all deserve a drink." I say, smiling widely as we walk up to her. 

"Have one for me." Clarke says, eyes tearing up slightly.

"What do you mean?" I say, my smile dropping.

"I'm not going in."

"Clarke," Bellamy says, stepping forward. "If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you." 

I then remember what Bellamy had told me on the way back to Arkadia. How he and Clarke pulled the lever to kill everyone in Mount Weather.

"You're forgiven." Bellamy continues. "Please come inside."

"Take care of them for me." Clarke mumbles, looking between me and Bellamy.

"Clarke..." I say.

"No." She interrupts me. "Seeing their faces every day is just gonna remind me of what I did to get them here." 

"What we did." Bellamy corrects her. "You didn't do this alone, Clarke."

"I bear it so they don't have to." Clarke answers.

"Where will you go?" I ask, trying to power through this goodbye.

"I don't know." 

I rub my hands together and then reach out for her, hugging my childhood friend for what may be the last time ever. "May we meet again." I whisper.

"May we meet again." She replies, a tear falling from her eye as she pulls away from me and walks off into the distance. 

Bellamy and I stand there for a while, just watching her as she disappears into the woods. After a while, Bellamy wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me towards the gates. "Come on." He whispers. I turn and walk with him into our home. 

***

After going to our room and showering (together), Bellamy and I enter the bar for drinks that are well deserved. 

"I'll order." Bellamy smiles, kissing my cheek, before walking over to the bar and ordering two.

I look over and see Jasper sitting alone at one of the tables in the back, looking down at his hands that are laying flat on the table. I look over at Bellamy who's in a light conversation with Raven and Wick. I walk over to Jasper and take a seat across from him. His head lifts slightly to see who it is but then goes back down. 

I grab his hand in mine, "You okay?"

Jasper visibly swallows hard but doesn't break eye contact with my hand covering his. He visibly hesitates before answering, "No."

"I know." I say, gripping his hand a little harder. I reach into my back pocket with my other hand and pull out his black goggles. "Here." I say handing them to him. He lets go of my hands and takes them, rubbing his fingers across the black rubber. 

"Thank you." He croaks out. He clears his throat before finally looking me in the eyes. "Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no one can tell me what I'm supposed to do right now. Right now I can't sleep. It's right now that I can't eat. Right now I still hear her voice and sense her presence even though I know she's not here. Right now all I seem to do is cry. I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don't know what to do with all this hurt right now."

My eyes turn down and soft as look over at him sadly, "You'll get over it--that's what they all say. I'd say it, too. But I know it's not true. Oh, youll be happy again. But you won't forget. Every time you fall in love it will be because something in the woman reminds you of her." I inhale deeply. "When I thought Bellamy was dead. I couldn't stand the fact that I was alive. It angered me to breathe, because I knew...or thought he couldn't. All because he saved my life. I lived with that grief for what seems like forever. I don't know what to tell you, Jasper. All because I know exactly how you feel right now."

Jasper rises and I get up as well. He pulls me into a hug before saying, "Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being a friend."

"You're welcome, Jasper." I whisper, making the hug last longer. He pulls away and walks out of the bar. 

Bellamy walks over and hands me my cup of moonshine. The cup almost burns my hand it's so cold. 

"Thanks." I breathe, pulling him into me...wanting to hold him. 

"What's wrong?" Bellamy asks.

"Jasper and I just had a really deep conversation." I say into his chest. He rubs my back before saying. "How about we ditch this place and just go back to the room?"

"That would be amazing." I say giving him a slight smile. 

Bellamy takes my drink from my hand and sets both of ours down on a table before taking my hand in his and walking out and back into the halls of the Ark. 

I pull on one of Bellamy's shirts that goes to about halfway on my thigh. Bellamy pulls on a pair of sweatpants and pulls his shirt off before joining me in our bed. I lay down in the sheets, letting myself breathe in deeply...not remembering the last time I actually slept. The remanence of the mirror I broke still laying on the floor. I pull the sheets up to my chin and turn towards Bellamy, who's already looking at me. 

"I love you Bellamy Blake." 

"I love you Tatum Sydney." 

I lay my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He places his hand on the small of my back, completely embracing me. Within what seems like minutes, Bellamy's breathing evens out and a slight snore comes from his lips which causes me to giggle quietly. I pull myself further up and bury my face into his neck, taking in his scent. 

I already knew our "ever after" wouldn't always be happy or even comfortable―and clearly it couldn't be expected to go according to plan. Still, it was ours. And we were both determined enough to see it through to "the end." You know you're in love when you cant even put into words, how you feel for a person.

"Tatum." His voice takes me by surprise and draws me out of my thoughts. 

"I thought you were asleep." I whisper, lifting my head from his neck.

"I want you to know something." He says, looking into my eyes. "I will always be true to you, and I will always say to you, I love you."

"And I want you to know something as well." I say, smiling down at him. "When you say you love me, know I love you more."