Part II
Jaelynn POV
I hadn't expected to feel this way. I didn't expect to feel this...empty.
I haven't talked to Elijah since we broke up, I barely even saw him on our first day back to school. That alone was a major difference to how we been all summer. I was so used to him being the last person I think about before I went to sleep and the first when I woke up. I was so used to Elijah being apart of my daily routine and for him to not be any more, it felt really weird.
I cried, big and ugly tear for at least an hour after I left his house on Saturday. I had spent the whole car ride home trying to push back the tears to the point that when I finally got inside my room, I sunk down to a heap on my bed and cried until my eyes were red and my throat hurt and my brother was steadily knocking on the door wondering what was wrong.
Every time I had thought that the tears would stop, I would remember how heartbroken he looked when I told him we had to break up, how he looked like he wanted to fight for it but something was holding him back. I cried because I wanted him to fight for me. I cried because I hurt him after he was nothing but good to me all summer.
I had cried myself to sleep and when I woke up my mothers warm and welcoming arms were wrapped around me. She hadn't asked what was wrong and for that I was thankful.
On Sunday I told myself that I wasn't going to cry over Elijah anymore and that us breaking up was what was best. We were getting too attached to each other; hell we probably already were. I spent the rest of the day with my phone on silent as I did my hair and drooled over Shemar Moore. He really was one sexy motherfucker.
I hardly saw Elijah on Monday and whenever we did see each other he would glare at me before looking away. But after being around him almost every day for two months, I could read that boy like the back of my hand. There was longing in his dark eyes every time he would stare at me and I'm pretty sure I had a longing in mines.
I just had to keep telling myself that it was better this way.
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"Wassup Jaelynn?" Jamal says as he stands in front of my table during lunch.
I look up at the first boy I'd ever fucked. He was tall, light skin, with curly hair and pink, full lips. He was sexy and has been since we started chilling the summer after ninth grade. I wasn't really worried about fucking before then but that summer I was a fast ass and since I was crushing on Jamal back then and I thought he was cute, I gave him my virginity. It hurt and was short but after we did it a few more time I found that I liked sex a lot. We had fucked a lot that summer but we started chilling once school started. I was happy to just be fuck buddies but he was tryna cuff me and I wasn't for all that.
When Elijah went to jail, Jamal and I started talking again. It wasn't anything heavy or serious but he must've thought it was because when he saw Elijah and me together this summer he flipped all the way the fuck out. He called me all types of names and claimed that he was the reason anybody even wanted me. I had slapped him because he was crossing a line with that one and I was mad.
I didn't even know why he was talking to me right now but I was interested to find out.
"Hey Jamal," I reply back distantly. He smiles and slides down the bench next to me.
"How you been?" He asks.
I wanna roll my eyes because this boy stalked my Instagram enough to know exactly what I been up to all summer. "Cool," I say instead of getting smart.
"So uh.." he looks around the loud cafeteria while scratching his head. "Where yo shadow at?"
I chuckle despite myself. "My shadow?"
He smirks and lightly nudges my shoulder. "You know, yo' shadow. Elijah been following you around all summer."
My light mode darkens slightly at the mention of his name. My eyes find his chocolate self in under 30 seconds. He was sitting on the other side of the cafeteria with his friends and some girls in little ass outfits. They were laughing loudly at something and he had his arm around some junior. His eyes snap up suddenly, connecting with mine, and his smile drops. We stare at each other for a moment before I was blinking away and giving my attention back to Jamal.
If he noticed Elijah's and I look then he doesn't show it.
I shrug my shoulders. "He ain't my shadow but we're over with."
"Damn," He says even though I could tell he was fighting a smile. "What happened?"
"We decided to cool off of each other with school starting back up. We were in a good place and I didn't want it to be messed up because of this drama-filled ass school." I partially lie. While one of the reasons why I came to the conclusion of want to break up with Elijah was because of our messy school, the main reason was that I didn't want to fall in love with him anymore then I was right now.
Jamal looks confused. "Why would school mess up y'all relationship?"
I shrug again, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. "You know I don't like being cuffed, Mal."
He chuckles and put his hands up in surrender. "You right," he says with a crooked smile. "Nah for real though, the reason I came over here was to apologize. That shit I said to you back in July was foul and you didn't deserve it. I wasn't yo' nigga and therefore I shouldn't have been actin' like I was. And your not a whore, you could never be a whore."
"It's fine," I found myself saying. I don't know why I was forgiving him so easily when the old me would've practically made him beg for my forgiveness. He looked really sorry though and I knew that he didn't really mean any of the shit he said in July. "You ain't mean it and I was in the wrong too. I shouldn't have been leadin' you on like that."
He smiles down at me and I find myself smiling back, for the first time in almost a week. "No worries shawty," he says. "What you doin' this weekend?"
"Nothin much, I might go to Chloe's party, I haven't decided yet though." I pick at the nasty ass pasta they served today for lunch with a look of disgust before turning back to Jamal. He had this hopeful look in his dark eyes and I really hoped that he wasn't about to try and ask me out or something because then I'd have to turn him down and I really wasn't for that right now. I wasn't feeling a relationship right now. Plus any guy that I dated would just look like a rebound and that was a desperate move in my eyes.
He nods before standing. He looks like he wanted to say something else but decides against it. Maybe he saw the way my eyes automatically flicked over to Elijah, who was now whispering in the little slutty juniors ear. Either way, I was glad because I didn't want to have to hurt his feeling if he did ask me out. "Imma go outside. See you later?" He says.
"See you Mal." I sat back, my voice sweet and soft. He smiles again before leaning down to give me a hug followed by a brief kiss on the cheek. My friends all grill me on what we were talking about as soon as he walks away. I vaguely answer their questions because really it wasn't any of their business and when they start asking about Elijah I get on my phone.
The next time I look over at him he staring at me so intensely that I immediately turn back around.
