I wished I could say I was done crying, but that would be a giant lie. I spent the past few day crying off and on. Weed didn't help, music didn't help, movies didn't help. Nothing fucking helped.
This week has been rough and it showed. I had these dark, ugly bags under my eyes that even concealer barely covered. It coulda been in my head, but my hair didn't seem to shine like it used too. I was eating to much ice cream and skipping cheer practice. To top it off, I'd worn a sweat suit a grand total of three times this week when I usually only wore them after a game. I didn't care about much of anything this past week and he was to blame.
Even now, as I stood watching him in his bedroom, it took everything in me not to break.
We'd been avoiding each other as much as possible these past few days. We were both too stubborn to tell the other what we wanted to hear, though I decided that I no longer cared who he cheated on me with because it really didn't change the fact that he did it. He probably still wanted to know who gave me that hickey, though. That all changed today when he showed up at the hair salon where I worked and begged me to come and talk to him. I only agreed because I didn't want to hear my aunts mouth if he stayed.
We'd been staring at the other for the last five minutes in complete silence and I was really getting sick of it. With a huff, I turn towards the door and was about to walk out of it when his voice stopped me.
"I'm sorry," he sounded defeated.
I freeze but don't turn around. "You've said that. Multiple times."
I can hear him take a step towards me. "I know but I just want you to know that I am. I'm so sorry for hurting you, Jaelynn. I'm sorry for lying and betraying you. I'm sorry for being an ass these last couple weeks. I'm sorry for everything."
I wipe away a tear because I knew he was sorry. It was all over his face that he was sorry and that he probably regretted it, but that didn't matter. His sorries didn't exactly fix the pain he caused me. "Do you regret it?"
"So much," he says automatically. "I don't know why I did it or why I kept doing it because your fucking perfect Jae. Your beautiful and smart and funny and- God I love you so much." He hands were suddenly on my shoulder, urging me to turn around and face him. I don't. There were more silent tears falling freely from my eyes. "Don't let this ruin us, babe, please. I need you."
I break then. My legs tremble and my body shakes as a whirlpool of emotions sweep through me. He catches me as I start to fall, turning me around and burying my face in his chest. "I tried to sleep with Jamal," I chocked out. I hadn't planned on telling him but I felt it was necessary if we were to move past this. If I wanted to move past this. If I was able to. "After I saw that hickey on your neck, I went to his house the next day and tried to sleep with him. He saw that I was upset and stopped, but he had already gave me the hickey."
His arms tighten around my shoulders but it's his only outward reaction that he's mad. "I slept with three girls, two of them more then once. They don't go to our school, though, so you probably don't know them."
"Did you use condoms?"
"Of course."
"And did you- did you ever fuck them and then come fuck me?"
He hesitates so I know his answer before he was reluctantly saying, "Yes but I showered first."
I push away from him with a scoff. "That's fucking foul Elijah. How you gonna do some triflin' shit like that to me? And don't you dare say your fucking sorry." I run a ran through my straight hair, pacing angrily in front of him as he watches shamefully. "Did you do it when you showed up at my house drunk at the end of November?"
