Jae POV
I went to school only because I thought I would distract me from my inner turmoil but as it turns out that wasn't gonna happen. Every time I closed my eyes I saw him. His eyes closed and his lip wedged between his teeth as the skinny brown skin girl bounced up and down on him. I saw his guiltly expression; and sure it brought me pleasure to know he felt bad as I drove to school, now it only made me mad because what right did he have feeling guilty?
I was under the assumption that he would go straight home after our argument not go and pick up some whore. And he said he loved me right before he left. How can he hurt me like this if he loves me?
I can feel my lip quiver, my throat burning as I try to push down the sob threatening to break free. I never knew how hard it was, how much it hurt to restrain tears before.
There was suddenly a small, warm hand rubbing soothing circle on my back. I turn to the empathetic face of my favorite English teacher/ cheerleading coach, Mrs. Raya. "Do you need a moment, sweetie?" She whispers so the dozen other teens in the class couldn't hear. I was also appreciative of the fact that she was guarding my undoubtably red face from their view. I always turned into a tomato when I got worked up like this.
I nod thankfully as I stand and hastily make my way out the classroom and to the bathroom that is only a few feet away. In the short distance that it takes me to get into one of the stalls from the class there were already tears streaming down my face and I couldn't stop the strangled sob that escapes.
I sit on the toilet, my face buried in my hands as I let out all the pent up tears I hate him, I hate him so fucking much for reducing me to crying in bathroom stalls.
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I don't know how, but I make it through the rest of the day. I push thoughts of Elijah to the back of my head and think instead about my upcoming audition. I focus on that for 3/4, 5th and 6th period and I count the minutes to three when I can go home. It wasn't until I was sitting in the courtyard during lunch, enjoying the slightly warm fall weather when all of that turns upside down because there he was walking toward me with the same remorseful expression from this morning.
I run.
I don't make it very far, just to the entrance hall of the gym, and I have no choice but to stop when his hand locks around my wrist. Maybe if I screamed then one of the gym teachers would hear and get him away from him. Sadly he was already talking before I could put that plan in motion.
"I'm sorry," was the first thing he says. I don't move, or say anything. He had no choice but to be sorry and I already knew he was from the look in his eyes. What I wanted to know was why he did it.
The skin under his right eye was a little purple from my punches. It brings me immense satisfaction.
"I know you are." My voice was dry.
He sighs, grabbing my other hand in his gentle hands. "I fucked up, baby, I'm so sorry."
"You already said that. What I want to know is why? Why after everything we've been through?"
"I," his voice cracks. "I don't know Jaelynn. She was already there when I got home with Shaun and a couple other dudes and I had plans to just go in my room- I swear on my mom I did. But then she showed up in my room and locked the door and we started drinking and smoking and just chillin' until she was-"
I yank my hands out of his grip so quick you would've thought he burned me. I shake my head, horrified as I stepped away from him. "I don't wanna hear about you fucking her! I don't care. I just wanna know why you thought it was okay?" My voice sounded weak. "We had an argument, I get that. We always have arguments, though, and never before have you decided to chill from it by fuckin' somebody else. I don't- I don't get how- I..." My mini-rant stops as a choked sob passes my lips. The tears follow next.
Elijah steps forward, his eyes soft and tortured, but I back away from him. "Don't touch me!" I scream, "You hurt me after promising that you never would. You promised! How could you?! And how dare you stand here like your apologies are gonna make it all better? How!" I was full on crying by the end. Steams and steams of fat and ugly tears cascading down my face as the force of my sobs raked through my body. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much.
I don't have the energy to fight him when his large arms wrap around my shaking body, enveloping me in a warm bubble. I inhale the still comforting scent of him. He rubs his big hand up and down my back, making little shushing sounds in my ears. I hate that he was always comforting me when he was almost always the one making me cry. "I know they won't make this better but I have to try. I love you baby girl, and I don't wanna lose you. So please forgive me, please."
I cry harder, my arms unconsciously circling his waist, pulling him closer to me. I fist his light blue shirt in my hands as my tears wet it. "You don't love me," I choke out against his hard chest. "Love isn't supposed to hurt like this. I hurt, Elijah. You hurt me."
He pulls me impossibly closer to him. "Don't say that, you know I love you. I just- I fucked up babe. I fucked up but I promise you I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you." He pulls away slightly, cupping my wet cheeks in his hands. He wipes away my tears with the pads of his thumbs in vain. They won't stop. "You and Ena mean the most to me in this whole world, don't ever doubt that. Please don't let this ruin us, please."
He leans down to press a soft, barely there kiss on my salty lips. I whimper against him, my nails digging into his back but he doesn't seem to care. I don't kiss him back but I don't push him away. When we separate my tears have all dried up and I know I must look hideous.
His eyes were hopeful and so was his voice as he says; "Do you forgive me?"
I shake my head slightly. "I need some time Elijah, it just happened. It's too new."
The smile that he shoots down as me is almost worth the pain that his betrayal causes. The pain that it probably always will. He removes his hands from around my waist, giving me some much needed space. "I'll be waiting for you."
I nod then turn and make my way out the hallway and back to the courtyard just as the bell rings.
I hate that I couldn't hate him at all.
