A Life Like This

Chapter 9

Two weeks later***
I wake up, laying on EEs bed, still wearing his button up white shirt. Its half unbuttoned, showing my clevage and pink laced bra. EE is no where to be seen, I look around the room a bit, but he's not in sight. I start to slip on my jeans when I take a look at my legs. I haven't done it once since I've been here, haven't even thought about it. I get my jeans on, button up the shirt, and head down stairs. EE is standing in the kitchen, cooking pancakes.
"Hey georgous, its almost noon. Hungry?"
"I'm not sure yet, still waking up" *yawns*
I lay my head down on the island as I sit down in the old wooden stool. He places a saucer of thick, juicey, syrupy pancakes down in front of me. The sweet scent flickers into my nose, it makes me smile. It reminds me of my mom, when she laid of the drugs. When I was little, she got clean for a couple years, she would make pancakes in the morning before sending me to school. Then her and my dad got back together...
"I've decided," I say sitting up. "I'm hungry"
EE smiles, I love his cute little grin. The way his lips crinkle, and Hus teeth shine. His eyes glit just perfectly. Then, it fades.
"Pen, there's something I need to tell you."
"I'm listening" I say as I shovel down a bite of pancake.
"I know neither of us have ask out the other, but I don't want you to think we're together. I can't do a relationship, every time I get in a relationship, you know it fails. So I want this to stay the way it is, at least for now. I mean, its not like I'm gonna go be a manwhore or something, hell I was a virgin before the janitors closet...but in case you were thinking we were a couple. I'm not up for that. You could say I have commitment issues, but only because past relationships."
My heart sinks, I can feel it flopping like a fish out of water, in my stomach. I smile tentatively.
"Yeah, I got you, that's fine. Um, yeah, I mean, totally. I, uh, need to pee."
I quickly get up from the stool, and a fast shot to the bathroom. I lean over the toilet and my feelings spew out, in pancake chunks and tears. How could I have been so stupid? I knew about his last girlfriend. Why did I even think he'd want to be with me? I shouldn't of ever gotten into this! I'm such a stupid moron piece of shit! What the hell is wrong with me!? EE nm is just such a good guy...yeah why do you think he doesn't want you? Hell, who would? Anyone that wants you, just wants yuiur body. Put a paper bag over your face and you've got a porn star!
*knock knock knock*
"Pen...please don't hide in there. Will you come out?"
"No, I'm, uh, pooping."
"Pen, don't lie to me. I know you're throwing up, I can hear you. Its kinda gross"
"Go away"
"Nope."
He wiggles the door nob, only to realize its lock. He steps away from the door. I can his presence leaving.
*BOOMMM!!!*
The door flies open, EE body slammed into it.
"Now then, get up, and come here."
I shake my head. He kneels down beside me, I'm curled up in a ball on the floor.
"Pen, I still care about you, you know I've always liked you. I just wanna make sure neither of us get the wrong idea. You know I haven't been able to date since Stacey. She died in my arms and it was my fault, I can't lose someone like that again. Especially not someone as close as you."
I can't speak, my lungs feel enclosed. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could be with someone again.
"You know I haven't been able to date since my last either...I was just thinking this could be our turn around. Maybe we can get each other out of the rut."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not in any rut, I'm perfectly fine."
"...that's why you didn't tell me when you started again?"
He sighs. "I didn't think you seen it..."
"I've seen it all, sometimes I'm just too scared to ask."
He wraps his arms around me and we curl up in a ball together, just sitting there, we rocked each other back and forth.

*******
6hours later
*******

I'm laying on his bed, thinking over what he told me. He doesn't want me, he's just trying to say it nicely...I just had to go getting my hopes up. EE comes in, he was in the bathroom. I roll over and face the wall. I kick a blanket up over me and pretend to be sleeping.
"I know you aren't asleep Pen."
I don't respond, I just lay there. I just need to cry myself into the deep, dark, pits of the abyss.
I feel EE get up into the bed. As he lays behind me I, I scoot away from him. He grabs ahold of me and pulls me back. He grins, he looks so evil. He tries kissing me but I shove him off, he doesn't like it. He grabs ahold of me, shoving me down, pinning my wrists in place. I thrash about, I don't want this.
"Get off! This isn't funny! Stop!"
He forces all his weight into me, I can't move. I'm bawling, screaming at the top of my lungs, but no sound will come out. I'm defencless while he does it against my will.
Suddenly, I feel cold hand on my burning arms, they're shaking me wildly.
"PENNY WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!"
I bolt straight up, it was a nightmare. They're getting so much worse. That's when I hear the voice. The voice that's been in my ear since I was a baby.
"YOU ARE ALONE! YOU ARE ALONE NOW! YOU BELONG TO ME! YOU WILL OBEY ME!! I KNOW YOUR SECRETSSSS, I KNOW YOU PAIN, I KNOW YOU SSSSTUPIDITY! I KNOW YOUR REGRETSSSSS, YOU'LL NEVER GET RID OF ME! I'M NOT JUST IN YOUR HEAD. JUST DO IT! JUST DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!"
By them time the voice stops, EE is looking at me with a panicked face.
"Pen, please, you don't need to do this. I know you've had some rough times, but I can't lose you too."
I want to ask what he's talking about, but before the words could form, I notice I'm holding a gun. Is cocked, loaded, and under my chin. I slowly pull the gun away, afraid it might go off.
"That's a good girl, now hand it to me."
I hand him the gun, which he quickly and carefully unloads. He runs to me, hugging me tightly.
"Please don't scare me like that!"
"I didn't know I was doing it."
"What are you taking about? You had a fucking gun to your head!"
"He was making me."
"He who!?"
"...The Shadow Man."
"What's with this, 'shadow man' shit?"
"The shadow man is a figure who has controlled me into doing many things. Things u was too scared to do on my own. He's a demon, I was playing with a ouiji board when I was about 7, that's when he came to me. He said he was there to help. I believed him, being the stupid child I was, and he's been in my head ever since. He shows himself as a big, 8foot shadow, red eyes, and a broken record voice. His teeth look like broken souls, that have just been jammed into his mouth...he feeds on the emptiness he causes."
EE is too stunned to speak, he finally understands why I have my 'gift' it isn't by choice, but more like a curse, with no cure. The shadow man showss me things I'll never be able to forget. Like when I watched EE blow his brains out. Or saw Jozey hanging from a rope. It's scary.

EE wraps his arms around me. He knows about most of my feelins, but I never said a word about the shadow man. I curl up on the bed, I don't remove his arms, they're the only thing keeping me from racing for the gun again. This time on purpose.

EE curls up being me, he has me swaddled tight in his arms as to make sure I don't try anything. I cry, and I heave, I sob, and I wheeze. Finally I manage to pass out from hyperventilating. No dreams just blackness. And for that, I'm thankful.